


Judging By The Cover

by heyjupiter



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Library, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Big Bang Challenge, F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, WIP Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 03:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4375307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce Banner is a generally mild-mannered reference librarian at Malibu Public Library, but he loses his cool when local billionaire philanthropist Tony Stark proposes revitalizing the library's technology, at the cost of its collection of print books. Bruce tries his best to persuade Tony to preserve the library, but accidentally ends up dating him. Despite moral support from his friends and coworkers Darcy, Jane, and Natasha, Bruce isn't quite sure if he's cut out to share his life with Tony Stark on either a personal or professional level.</p><p>Will children's librarian Thor's malevolent brother Loki ruin the summer reading club? Will the paparazzi ever leave Bruce and Tony alone--and more importantly, will Bruce and Tony ever see eye to eye on the subject of e-readers? And when is everyone going to stop asking Bruce for <i>Fifty Shades of Grey</i>?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Judging By The Cover

**Author's Note:**

> \- [Make sure to look at Amy's amazing arts for this!](http://allofthefeelings.tumblr.com/post/124498882105/for-the-wip-big-bang-i-was-tasked-with)
> 
> \- This fic includes mentions of canon-similiar past child abuse, nothing graphic. There is also some light mention of Tony Stark's kidnapping, similar to the events of the first Iron Man movie. Other than that, no archive warnings apply.
> 
> \- Thanks to the organizers of [WIP Big Bang](http://wipbigbang.livejournal.com/39048.html) for encouraging me to actually finish this! Thanks to tarajuku for beta reading and cheerleading! Thanks to Amy for her delightful art and cheerleading! Thanks to all my friends who encouraged this along the way, over the 3 years it took me to actually finish writing this!
> 
> \- This fic is set in 2012, because that's the year I started writing it and I didn't want to update too many details. (See endnote for acknowledgement of some stuff that probably only fellow librarians care about.)

**Minutes  
Malibu Public Library Board of Directors**

**Board members present:**  
Nicholas Fury, president  
Clint Barton, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Natasha Romanov

 **Library staff members present:**  
Steve Rogers, library director  
Bruce Banner, manager of reference services  
Thor Odinson, manager of children's services

 **Guests present:**  
Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, community members/representatives of Stark Industries

 **Call to order** :  
Nicholas Fury called the meeting to order at 9am on Monday, April 30th, 2012. Maria Hill recorded minutes. Guest Tony Stark suggested that notetaking would be more efficient with a recorder app on his smartphone. Hill ignored the suggestion.

 **Financial review:**  
Phil Coulson presented the proposed budget for the next fiscal year. He suggested that the next year the library would have to drastically reduce its operating hours in order to remain fiscally solvent and would have no budget for print materials.Bruce Banner asked to be excused from the meeting, but Fury strongly suggested it would be in his department's best interests if he stayed.

 **New business:**  
Tony Stark presented a video showcasing a new design for the library. It contained significantly fewer books than the current library. He also offered a donation of $20 million to the library, with the caveat that it could only be spent on infrastructure and technology. The meeting quickly devolved into yelling that was difficult to transcribe. Banner left the room. 

**Approval of minutes:**  
Hill attempted to get approval of the minutes for the March meeting but was unable to get anyone to pay attention to her. 

**Adjournment:**  
The meeting was adjourned by Fury.

* * *

Bruce stormed out of the board meeting and hid in the supply closet. There had been rumors about the budget, of course, but there were always rumors, and he'd chosen to ignore them. The news was so infuriating... he knew it was rude to leave the meeting early, especially when Nick Fury had asked him to stay... but he suspected he would have done something much worse than rude if he'd stayed for the whole meeting. 

Safe in the darkness of the closet, he leaned back on reams of printer paper, closed his eyes and counted to ten. He counted to twenty. He was at a hundred and sixty-three when his co-worker Jane opened the closet door.

"I thought you'd be in here," she said smugly, looking down at him. She was one of the few staff members who knew about Bruce's favored hiding place.

Bruce sighed. "Did you hear the news?"

"Yeah, we get to keep our jobs."

"We have _no_ budget for new materials."

"No new _physical_ materials. Chin up, Banner, maybe we'll get a tax levee next year," Jane said. "Now get up. You were due back on the desk ten minutes ago."

"Oh, sorry," Bruce said. "I just... I needed to cool down. Sorry. Go on your break, Jane." He took a deep breath, stood up, and headed for the reference desk. 

Bruce generally liked his reference shifts. Of course there were occasionally annoying patrons, but mostly, he liked helping people. It was why he became a public librarian. In grad school he'd thought perhaps he'd be a research librarian, hidden away in archives somewhere. In fact he'd worked in the National Archives and Records Administration for a few years, but that had ended badly after an incident with an aggressive patron in the Military Service Records. He'd moved to California, taken up surfing and yoga to keep his stress levels low, and reinvented himself as a public librarian. 

Bruce logged in at the reference desk and immediately got a phone call from an elderly man who wanted Bruce to look up where to address complaints over the rising cost of Cream of Wheat (Bruce passed on the toll-free complaint line for Nabisco). Then a woman asked where the audiobooks were, and he got up to walk her to the section. While they walked, he suggested David Sedaris on audio for her upcoming roadtrip. When he came back to the reference desk, he was startled to see that his seat was occupied. By Tony Stark. 

Bruce was too angry to say anything, so he just gaped. Tony looked up and grinned. "Dr. Bruce Banner! I just wanted to introduce myself. You left the meeting early so we didn't get a chance to talk." Tony stuck out his hand and Bruce took it, polite in spite of his simmering rage. "It's an honor to meet you. I thought your thesis was fascinating."

Bruce frowned. "You read my thesis? I... didn't even publish it." Bruce had written about the ethics of confidentiality in military archives. His opinion was that if the world knew more about the horrors of war, maybe they wouldn't have so many of them. The National Military Archive didn't quite see eye to eye with him on that.

"Well, no, but I googled you. And you're vastly overqualified to work at Malibu Public Library."

"I like it here," Bruce said. "And you're in my chair."

"Right, right," Tony said, making no move to stand up. 

Then a middle-aged woman came up to the desk and said, "Excuse me, do you guys have _Fifty Shades of Grey_?"

Tony made a face and said, "Are you aware there is a lot of free pornography available on the internet?"

Bruce said, "Ma'am, excuse me, I'm sorry, he doesn't work here--"

"Wait, is--are you Tony Stark?" the woman asked. She pulled out her phone and took a picture. "I'm sending this to TMZ!" she said, and walked out of the library, typing away on her phone.

"Great," Bruce said. "That's just the kind of customer service we pride ourselves on here."

"Oh, come on, it's true," Tony scoffed.

"That's not the point," Bruce said. "People have a right to access the materials that interest them, and to be treated with respect."

"Hey, if that's true, you guys need _way_ more porn."

"We do, in fact, have multiple copies of all three _Fifty Shades_ books."

Tony's eyes lit up. "Have you read them?"

Bruce sighed. "No, I haven't. Do you want me to help you find a copy?"

"No, I downloaded the digital audiobooks forever ago, just haven't gotten around to listening to them yet. Well, mostly I just wanted to play clips of them to embarrass my assistant, but I kept forgetting."

Remembering the perfectly polished woman who had accompanied Tony to the board meeting, Bruce said, "If she works for you, it's probably going to take more than _Fifty Shades_ to embarrass her."

Tony let out a laugh that could only be described as a cackle. "That's actually a fair point. But what happened to treating library patrons with respect?"

"Well. I'm not at the desk right now," Bruce said. He briefly closed his eyes and counted to ten.

"Right, right, I stole your seat." Tony stood up and said, "I'll let you get back to shh-ing people now. But here's my card. We should get drinks sometime."

"Drinks?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah. Liquids? You consume them? Google it."

Tony waltzed off, leaving Bruce with a confused look and a very fancy business card. He sat back down behind the reference desk and shoved the card in his pocket. He realized he was still logged into his email, but now the screen was open to his calendar. "Drinks with Tony Stark" had been added for that Friday night. Bruce deleted the event, changed his password, and looked up to see a senior citizen with a new Kindle. He forced himself to smile.

* * *

In the staff break room the next day, Bruce rehashed the whole incident to Jane and Darcy over leftover lentil soup.

"No way!" Darcy said. "Where are you guys going?"

"What? No, I'm not going," Bruce said.

"He's totally cute. And super rich."

"That's not the _point_ ," Bruce said.

"Well, what is the point?" Darcy asked. 

"Did you see his proposal for the library?"

"Yeah, it looks awesome. Like the Jetsons."

"There's going to be _no_ budget for print material," Bruce said.

Darcy shrugged. "Makes my job easier."

"Makes your job obsolete, more like," Bruce said.

"It's not like we're getting rid of all the old books. I'm sure I'll still have plenty of stuff to shelve. Anyway," Darcy said blithely, "That's business. We're talking about _pleasure_ now."

"I don't think it's a date," Bruce said. "I think he's just fucking with me."

"You should wait until after the third date for that," Darcy said. "At least second."

Bruce rolled his eyes, and Darcy said, "You could seduce him! To save the library!"

"Oh, come on," Bruce protested. He looked to Jane for her to provide a voice of reason, but she was sizing him up.

"It's not the _worst_ idea I've ever heard," she said thoughtfully.

"That's only because this morning someone asked if the book club could read _Heaven is For Real_ next month," Bruce replied.

Jane narrowed her eyes. "I mean, it's ridiculous. Why don't we just read _Peter Pan_?"

"Stop deflecting. Bruce, you _have_ to go out with Tony Stark," Darcy pleaded. "It'll be _such_ a good story."

"If nothing else, you could have another chance to make your case for print materials, since you left the board meeting halfway through," Jane said. 

"I'll think about it," Bruce said. He got up from the table to wash his dishes.

Across the room, Darcy stage whispered, "That's totally a yes."

"I heard that," Bruce said, "And it's an 'I'll think about it.' Okay, I definitely heard you two high five." 

But when he got back to his desk, he wrote "Meeting with Tony Stark, 8pm" in his bullet journal.

* * *

"Hey Bruce, glad you made it to class tonight," Natasha said. 

Bruce finished rolling up his yoga mat and said, "Thanks. I needed it."

"Yeah, you seemed tense. More tense than usual." 

"Hearing that your library is going to be replaced by a robot building will do that to a person," Bruce said.

"Bruce, it's not that bad," Nat protested. "Did you read the full proposal?"

"I did, and it's terrible," Bruce said. "Besides, I thought that when I persuaded you to run for library board, you would, you know, take my side."

"I'm an independent businesswoman, Bruce, and my vote is that a donation for new e-books is better than no money at all."

"But--"

"Bruce, I know. I know it's not ideal, obviously. But what are you gonna do?"

"I have an appointment with Tony to try to change his mind," Bruce said.

"Oh! Are you sure that's a good idea?" Natasha asked.

"Yeah, why not?"

Natasha pursed her lips. "When are you meeting with him?"

"This Friday."

"At the library?"

"No," Bruce admitted. "At a restaurant. His assistant set it up."

"Are you sure you're not going on a date with Tony Stark?"

"What? No way, why would you say that," Bruce sputtered.

"Tony Stark has a reputation," Natasha said. "And I know I've been telling you that you should get back out there and start dating again, but…"

"But what, Natasha?"

"You're very... idealistic, Bruce. It's a good thing. Usually. But… just be careful."

"It's not a date, Natasha."

"Okay if it doesn't go well, let me know, because if you're dating again, I want to set you up with my friend--"

"Nat!"

"Remember to breathe deeply."

Bruce sighed, and she said, "Not like that! Deeper!"

"Thanks, Natasha," Bruce said, rolling his eyes. 

"See you later, Bruce. You should come to class on Saturday. Then you can tell me all about your date with Tony Stark."

Bruce shook his head and left the yoga studio, wishing he had managed to hold onto his moment of zen for slightly longer.

It's not that he actively wasn't dating. He wasn't a monk or anything. But when he'd first moved to California, he'd needed a lot of time and space to get over his relationship with Betty. And then he'd mostly gotten in the habit of being single. And he was still in that habit, because he was not going on a date with Tony Stark.

* * *

**Date:** Thursday, May 3, 2:33pm  
**To:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**From:** todinson@malibulibrary.org  
**Subject** : TOMORROW

http://www.malibusurfreport.com

6-7 FOOT SWELLS!!!

5AM TOMORROW, MY ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE???

Thor Odinson, MLS  
Manager of Children's Services, Malibu Public Library  
todinson@malibulibrary.org  
http://www.malibulibrary.org/  
555-555-1376

 **Date:** Thursday, May 3, 3:01pm  
**To:** todinson@malibulibrary.org  
**From:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**Subject** : Re: TOMORROW

Sounds good. I'll pick you up at your place at 5?

Bruce Banner, MLS, PhD  
Manager of Reference Services, Malibu Public Library  
bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
http://www.malibulibrary.org/  
555-555-1378

 **Date:** Thursday, May 3, 3:04pm  
**To:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**From:** todinson@malibulibrary.org  
**Subject** : Re: TOMORROW

:D :D :D

* * *

There were a few things Bruce missed about the East Coast, but California's infinitely superior surf beaches more than made up for them. He and Thor usually went out a few times a week, though they tried to avoid the crowded weekends. There were plenty of people out at Surfrider Beach by the time they got there on Friday, but they could both find places to wait beyond the break without too much competition.

Before long, Thor caught a nice wave and rode it nearly all the way back to shore. Bruce laid on his longboard and bided his time, letting a few other surfers take a turn. He enjoyed the calm that came with just floating. Surfing calmed him more than therapy ever did. (He still went to therapy, just in case. But he really didn't think there was a chance he'd repeat the terrible incident in DC. No chance that he'd ever follow in his drunk father's footsteps. He dealt with his emotions in healthy, productive ways.) 

After a good fifteen minutes, he saw a wave that he liked. After glancing around to make sure no one else was going for it, he paddled hard and pulled himself up in one fluid motion. He rode it out and hopped off a few feet from shore. He took a moment to catch his breath, then paddled back out past the break. Thor floated a few feet away from him and gave him a thumbs up. Then an unusually big wave started to roll in, and Thor went for it. Bruce was a decent surfer, but Thor was great. Surfers tended to talk New Age-ily about being "one with the wave" and Thor really seemed to achieve it.

It didn't feel like long at all before Bruce looked at his watch and realized it was time to come in. He rode one last wave back to shore and then quickly rinsed off and peeled out of his wetsuit. Since it was Casual Friday, he toweled off and pulled on jeans and a linen shirt and met back up with Thor, who had taken Casual Friday a step further and was wearing flip-flops, severely frayed jeans and a T-shirt from last year's Summer Reading Program. Thor had moved from Norway to California after college, but he somehow seemed more Californian than anyone else Bruce knew. 

They stopped at a diner between the beach and the library. Thor and Bruce were regulars there and it didn't take long for their waitress to bring them huge piles of food. The place specialized in breakfasts for surfers' appetites, and it was one of the few restaurants around that didn't bat an eyelash at Thor's huge orders.

Between bites of an omelet that contained six eggs and three kinds of meat, Thor said, "Jane wanted me to ask you about your date with Tony. She said to be subtle or you'd get shy and wouldn't say anything." He frowned and added, "I don't think I was supposed to say that part."

Bruce laughed. He liked talking to Thor, who lacked all pretense. Kids at the library loved him for it too. Bruce said, "It's really not a date."

"But you are meeting him? Tonight? At a bar?"

"Yes... but to talk about library business."

"And Tony Stark was not available for any meetings over lunch?" Thor asked.

"He... well, I guess it's more of a casual thing. But to talk about the library," Bruce said firmly.

"You are going to a bar on a Friday night to talk about the library?"

" _Yes_ ," Bruce said, shoving a huge bite of veggie scramble in his mouth.

"Well, I hope you can convince him to give some money for the Summer Reading Club. The children will be so sad if there are no prizes this year." 

Thor looked at him with huge, forlorn blue eyes, and Bruce thought that if anything, maybe Thor should seduce Tony into properly funding the library. He was sure Jane would be fine with it, but on second thought, Thor would just say something like, "I was told to have sex with you in exchange for money for the library, is that agreeable to you?" Bruce was pretty sure you were supposed to be more subtle than that.

"I'll see what I can do," Bruce said.

"Excellent," Thor said, beaming.

* * *

**Date:** Friday, May 4, 9:00am  
**To:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**From:** ppotts@stark.com  
**Subject** : 8pm meeting with Tony Stark

Dr. Banner,

As Tony Stark's personal assistant, I am writing to confirm your meeting with him tonight at 8pm at Bellavino. 

Regards,  
Pepper Potts  
Personal Assistant to Tony Stark  
Stark Industries  
1000 Stark Way  
Malibu, CA 90265  
ppotts@stark.com  
Office: 818-555-7875  
Cell: 818-555-7088  
@pepperpotts  
“The secret of joy in work is contained in one word – excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.” –Pearl Buck

 **Date:** Friday, May 4, 9:22am  
**To:** ppotts@stark.com  
**From:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**Subject** : Re: 8pm meeting with Tony Stark

Yes, I'll be there.

Thanks,  
Bruce Banner, MLS, PhD  
Manager of Reference Services, Malibu Public Library  
bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
http://www.malibulibrary.org/  
555-555-1378

 **Date:** Friday, May 4, 9:22am  
**To:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**From:** ppotts@stark.com  
**Subject** : Re: 8pm meeting with Tony Stark

Do you need me to send a car for you?

Regards,  
Pepper

 **Date:** Friday, May 4, 9:45am  
**To:** ppotts@stark.com  
**From:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**Subject** : Re: 8pm meeting with Tony Stark

No, thank you.

Thanks,  
Bruce

* * *

"That's hilarious," Jane said. "He was going to send a car for you?"

"Well, his assistant was."

"Are you crazy? You should have said yes," Darcy said. "He probably would have sent a limo or something awesome."

"Awesomely fuel inefficient," Bruce muttered.

"God, Bruce, even for a librarian you are boring," said Darcy.

"Me? Didn't you go play bingo at the VFW last night?"

"Um, yeah, it was amazing, and I won $20."

"I think it's nice that you spend time with Steve and Peggy," Jane said. 

Darcy looked startled. "I love hanging out with Steve and Peggy. They're fun as hell."

"Oh!" Jane blushed. "I always just assumed it was... "

"It was what?" 

"You know… checking in on them, since their kids live out East."

"Me too," Bruce said.

"Come on, guys, do I look like a Girl Scout? I hang out with them because they're cool. And I love bingo. And pie. Steve bakes really good pie."

"Huh. All right, then I will stop thinking of you as a good person," Jane said.

" _Thank_ you," Darcy replied. "Can we get back to making fun of Bruce now?"

Bruce sighed and ate his couscous.

* * *

**Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/4/12 7:03pm**  
Promise me u won't wear a Phish shirt on yr date w/Tony Stark

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/4/12 7:04pm**  
Bruce I AM SERIOUS

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/4/12 7:09pm**  
Concerned about yr non response

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Darcy Lewis 5/4/12 7:10pm**  
You are not my fashion consultant  & it's not a date!

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:10pm**  
OMG IF U DON'T SEND ME A PIC OF YR OUTFIT I'M COMING OVER TO YR HOUSE

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:10pm**  
I AM SO SERIOUS  >:(

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:11pm**  
HE'S A BILLIONAIRE BRUCE

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Darcy Lewis 5/4/12 7:12pm**  
[image attached]  
I wish you didn't know where I live.

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:13pm**  
ILU Bruce do u own any pants that fit

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Darcy Lewis 5/4/12 7:14pm**  
Kind of??

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:16pm**  
We'll go shopping after u get some Stark $$

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:35pm**  
PS make sure u have condoms

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:35pm**  
I read TMZ I know about Tony Stark

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner 5/4/12 7:36pm**  
8=======D~~

* * *

Bruce got to the bar at 8:15, which he thought would be fashionably late. Of course, Tony Stark still wasn't there. 

Bruce had never been to Bellavino, and he felt uncomfortable as soon as he stepped inside the front door. It was probably the most expensive bar in Malibu and it had a different feel than the places Bruce frequented. Quieter. Cleaner. Intangibly _nicer_. The wine list didn't have prices. 

He sighed and sheepishly asked for a glass of the cheapest white wine. The waitress looked unimpressed, but brought him a glass of something that tasted perfectly adequate to Bruce's palate. He sipped it and pulled out his phone. He had a few borderline-obscene text messages from Darcy, which he ignored. He caught up on his Words With Friends games and checked his Twitter feed. He signed a virtual petition to support wind energy, and then someone snatched his phone out of his hands. Bruce whipped his head around and saw Tony Stark frowning at his phone.

"An iPhone? Really, Banner? I'll get you a StarkPhone."

"My phone is fine," Bruce said. "Can I have it back now?"

"Only if you promise not to sign any more wind energy petitions. Arc reactor technology is going to make wind energy look medieval. Which it technically is."

"From what I've read, arc reactor technology is _years_ away from being viable. Wind energy has worked for centuries, and it's only getting more efficient."

Tony tapped away at his phone and handed it back to Bruce. The screen now showed an image of Stark Tower in New York.

"I thought Stark Tower's arc reactor was a publicity stunt," Bruce said. "How many years before it recoups its cost?"

The waitress came over and practically glowed with excitement. "Mr. Stark! Welcome back!" she turned to Bruce and said, accusingly, "You didn't say you were here with Mr. Stark. Come, right this way."

Bruce took his half-empty wine glass and followed to a VIP lounge upstairs. It was unoccupied, save for the three of them, and Bruce felt his discomfort rise. He closed his eyes and counted to twenty while Tony asked for "the usual" and flirted with the waitress.

Tony nudged Bruce and said, "What are you drinking?"

"Wine," Bruce said.

The waitress shook her head and took Bruce's half-empty glass. "I'll be right back," she said. Bruce silently mourned the loss of his glass. The only other thing he had to occupy his hands was his phone, which he was now nervous about using in front of Tony.

"So, you're interested in alternative energy?" Tony asked.

Bruce said, "Sure. I'm interested in anything that might un-ruin our planet."

"Right, I heard you were kind of a hippie."

"Heard from who?" Bruce couldn't help but ask.

"I googled you," Tony said. "You sign a lot of online petitions."

"...right," Bruce said. "Anyway, I was hoping to talk to you about--"

"StarkTablet e-readers? I swear, they're going to revolutionize your library."

"Yeah, that was kind of..." Bruce started, and trailed off when the waitress appeared. She went through a whole ritual of pouring a splash of wine for Tony, who waved his hand and said he was sure it was fine. 

She poured a glass for each of them and presented them with a plate of bacon-wrapped scallops. "The bacon is locally sourced from an organic farm in--"

"Yeah, I don't care, as long as it's bacon," Tony said, and immediately popped one into his mouth. 

Bruce said, "Anyway, so, I... obviously we appreciate your donation to the library..."

Tony swallowed and said, "Help yourself, they're delicious. Anyway, you're welcome, and to be honest we could use the publicity. Plus we want it to be kind of a beta test for some of our new technologies."

"Well, that's the thing, is I'm not totally convinced that this is the best direction to take the public library."

Tony groaned. "Just because you're a librarian doesn't mean you have to be stuck in the past."

"Well, just because _you_ 're a brilliant inventor doesn't mean you understand the intricacies of digital rights management and libraries."

"You already have an e-books database in place. You just need to add to it, and Stark will give you the money to do that. You can have the biggest e-books collection in America."

"So what?" Bruce said.

"What do you mean, so what? E-books are the future. You'll be ahead of the curve."

"Sure, for some publishers. What about the ones who won't sell e-book rights to libraries?"

Tony frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Not all publishers offer e-books to libraries, and not all titles are available. Or what happens when all our HarperCollins licenses run out?"

Tony pulled his phone and started tapping away at it. "That's stupid. What kind of company wouldn't take money from a bunch of people who wanted to give it to them?"

"I've been a librarian for a long time, and I'd never accuse a publishing company of being rational."

"Okay, well, we'll start putting pressure on publishers."

"Oh, sure, nobody else has thought of that before," Bruce said. Wine and anger were making him slightly more sarcastic than usual. This was why he rarely drank.

"Last time I checked, my multi-billion-dollar company probably has more clout than a library," Tony said. He was looking at Bruce intently, sizing him up. It was a weird feeling, having Tony Stark's full attention. It wasn't bad-weird. Bruce abruptly realized why Stark was constantly in the tabloids.

Bruce took a gulp of wine and said, "Anyway, even if we could get every material we wanted by e-book--which, again, we can't--what are low income families supposed to do? Children? The elderly?"

"Our StarkTablets are perfect for children and the elderly, because you can adjust the text size for any book. And we'll subsidize readers for anyone who can't afford them."

"Okay, sure, and that's very generous. What happens when somebody breaks their reader? Or sells it? Or loses it? It's hard to break a book--and even if you do, the replacement cost is generally reasonable. Even so, we have plenty of patrons who can't check out books because they can't pay their fines." Bruce ran a hand through his hair and took a breath. "Libraries aren't _for_ people who can afford e-readers. Or, well, they are, they're for everyone, but... you know, if we got rid of libraries, the upper and middle classes would still be able to get their information. They still have computers and internet and Kindles and movies at home. They can afford go to on Amazon and buy the next James Patterson book, if that's what they want. Libraries _need_ to stay open for the people who don't have anywhere else to access information. Libraries need to keep offering print materials for patrons who can't meet the barriers of entry for digital materials."

"Wow," Tony mused. "I get what people mean when they talk about sexy librarians."

"I--were you even listening to me?"

"Mostly. I was kinda distracted by the flush your cheeks are getting."

Bruce crossed his arms and glared. 

"What? It's a compliment. I find passion very attractive."

"I have been working at the Malibu Public Library for _ten years_. I _believe_ in its mission. I believe in the mission of _all_ public libraries."

"Jesus Christ, stop it, I can't deal with this much earnestness."

"It's important for the _community_ " Bruce said.

"Yes, all right, let's schedule something for next week to talk about the library budget," Tony said. "It's Friday night. Can't we have fun? You do like fun, right?"

"Of course I like fun!" Bruce snapped.

"Okay, great, because I am a very fun date."

"This is a date?" Bruce said, and then bit his lip.

Tony stared at him incredulously, then gestured out at the VIP lounge with an arm. "Friday night at a wine bar isn't a date? What did you think?" He narrowed his eyes. "And don't even tell me you're straight. I _googled_ you."

"You had your personal assistant schedule it with me! You _knew_ I wanted to talk about the library budget!"

"Pepper schedules _everything_ for me," Tony said. "If she didn't, I would probably never leave my house. And we _talked_ about the library budget. Now can we please talk about something else for awhile? What kind of music do you like? What brought you to California? Seriously, try one of these. They're delicious," he said, eating another bacon-wrapped scallop.

"I'm a _vegetarian_ ," Bruce said, in a state of disbelief and unable to respond to anything else. "I thought you googled me."

"Well, I was skimming for the interesting details," Tony admitted. "In retrospect, though, I guess I should have assumed. Shit, sorry, let's order something else." 

Bruce wanted to decline, but some self-preserving part of his brain told him he should probably eat something if he was going to keep drinking. Which he definitely was. Tony tapped his phone and the waitress materialized.

"What can I get for you?" she chirped.

"Another bottle of this, and something vegetarian."

"We have some delightful local Mission figs stuffed with organic chevre--"

"--Yeah, that sounds great," Tony said, rolling his eyes. "Or, wait, do you eat cheese?" he asked Bruce.

Bruce closed his eyes and counted to five. "Yes, that's fine, thank you. Where's the chevre from?"

"All our goats' milk products are from Beanstalk Farm near Napa. They're a family owned, sustainable organic farm."

"Do the farmers read bedtime stories to the goats?" Tony asked.

The waitress looked panicked and said, "I don't know! Is that--are they supposed to?"

Bruce said, "If they were going to read stories, do you think the goats would prefer to see print books or e-books?"

"Um... I don't... I don't think goats are very literary," the waitress said. "But they're free range? Let me go put your order in and I'll ask the chef if she knows about the goats."

"Please don't," Bruce said. "We were just joking. I'm sorry."

" _I_ take goat literacy very seriously," Tony said. "It's important to the goat community."

The waitress gave a weak smile and went back downstairs. 

Bruce said, "Excuse me," and went for the bathroom without waiting for a reply from Tony. In a panic, he texted Darcy, telling her that he was accidentally on a date with Tony Stark and asking what he should do about it.

Darcy immediately sent back a flurry of messages, informing him that, oh my God, only an idiot would seriously think an 8pm meeting at a bar with TONY STARK was not a date, he should just relax and play up his "whole cute nerdy thing," and to, above all else, text her further details or she would be so mad, oh my God. Then, as an afterthought, she reminded him about the importance of condoms.

Bruce indicated ambivalence and received emoticon-laden reminders that Tony was handsome, rich, and very skilled in bed (if one could believe gossip websites, which Darcy did). He was admonished to have fun once in awhile, and it was also suggested that Darcy would throw eggs at Bruce's house if he didn't stop acting like such a baby. He sighed and headed back out to the table, where Tony sat texting on his own phone.

"You didn't have to go to the bathroom to text, you know," Tony said. Bruce raised his eyebrows, and Tony added, "I heard no flushing or water running."

"Maybe I just have terrible hygiene," Bruce said.

Tony laughed and said, "Smooth, Banner."

Bruce picked up his wine and said, "Look, I'm sorry, I just... I don't think this is... a good idea."

Tony nodded thoughtfully. Then he reached out under the table, much faster than Bruce would have predicted, and snatched his phone out of his pocket. "Looks like your friend thinks it's a good idea. Wow, she's very creative, actually."

Bruce drank his wine and counted to twenty. Tony said, "Is it my fault you didn't bother to put a password on this thing? Honestly."

"I _really_ don't think this is a good idea," Bruce said, as Tony slid the phone across the table to him. Bruce immediately tapped Settings and added a password to his phone's lock screen. Fool him thrice, shame on him. 

"I think you think too much," Tony said. "Just drink, eat, and have some fun. With me, Tony Stark! I'm very fun. I think People Magazine named me Most Funnest Man Alive last year."

"That doesn't sound like a real thing," Bruce said, but he couldn't be sure. He didn't order periodicals.

"Well, I'm sure they'll give it to me next year. I'll get the pity vote, after my kidnapping and all," Tony said breezily.

"That's right," Bruce said. He'd been so overwhelmed by thinking of Tony Stark as the man who was going to ruin his library that he'd somehow forgotten. "You--"

"Were taken hostage by terrorists who wanted me to build them their very own weapon of mass destruction, only to be rescued two days later by our brave and dedicated US forces, yeah," Tony said. His tone was lighthearted, but it had a hollow ring to it.

Bruce looked into Tony's deep brown eyes for a long moment, and Tony grinned. "Shoulda known the pity angle would work on you."

"I don't pity you," Bruce said honestly. "I just..." He trailed off, unable to think of a way to verbalize his thoughts that wasn't somehow unflattering.

"You're remembering that there's more to me than just 'billionaire playboy philanthropist,'" Tony asked.

"Something like that," Bruce said. 

"Well, whatever works," Tony said. "By the way, the waitress came back while you were off panic texting. She said that as far as they know, the farmers do _not_ read aloud to their goats. Maybe next week, when we talk about the library budget, we can add a line item for goat literacy?"

Bruce picked up a fig and chewed it thoughtfully. "I'm glad you hear you're taking community outreach so seriously."

"Oh, I think you'll find that I'm _excellent_ at community outreach. I can tell you're wondering if that was supposed to be innuendo or not, and it was. It wasn't my strongest innuendo, I admit, but if you'll give me another chance I'm confident I can do better."

* * *

**TMZ.com  
** Saturday, May 5, 1:15am  
Tony Stark with Malibu Mystery Man 

[image]  
Caption: Tony Stark with unknown man

Billionaire playboy Tony Stark was spotted getting handsy with an unknown man while leaving exclusive Malibu wine bar Bellavino earlier tonight. 

Their waitress said, "No, I don't know who that was. They didn't really seem like they were dating, I dunno. They had a lot of questions about the chevre."

Stark, who has publicly claimed to "hate labels" but has openly dated both men and women, has been named one of New York's Most Eligible Bachelors for the last ten years running. Since his return from his two-day ordeal with the Ten Rings terrorists in Afghanistan last year, he has been primarily residing in his Malibu estate and has been making increasingly erratic public appearances, leading some to speculate about his mental health.

See Also:  
Tony Stark Appears Drunk During Press Conference, 1/18/12  
Tony Stark Crashes Justin Hammer's Birthday Party, 2/3/12  
Tony Stark Seen Partying With Miley Cyrus, 3/6/12

* * *

Bruce awoke alone in a place that was _definitely_ not his bedroom. He was in a bed that was about the size of his entire bedroom, in a room that was about the size of his entire (admittedly cozy) house. He sat up and looked out the window at a beautiful pool and beyond that, a beautiful ocean view. Then the room lit up and started talking to him. 

Right. He had gone home with Tony Stark. He couldn't deny that it had been a fun night, but it was time to get back to reality. It was simply out of the question that he date Tony Stark--and from the looks of it, Tony Stark wasn't interested in anything beyond last night, either. Bruce pulled on last night's clothes. 

"Master Stark is in his workshop downstairs," the room said, in a crisp British accent.

"Oh. Uh, thanks," Bruce said.

"You are welcome, Dr. Banner. Please let me know if there's anything else I can assist you with."

"Uh… thanks. I will," Bruce said, still looking for his phone. He hadn't really been drunk last night, and he knew he'd had it when he got to Tony's house. He'd texted Darcy. He was sure Tony had it and was probably stealing all of Bruce's data. Well, Bruce could get a new phone. He was due for an upgrade soon anyway. He remembered his car was still at the bar, since he'd driven home with Tony, but... he could call a cab. Except he didn't have his phone. He could walk. Tony's beachfront house was pretty far from downtown, but… Bruce could use the exercise.

He stepped out of the bedroom and looked both ways down the hallway. It was empty, but he couldn't remember which way they'd come in last night. "Turn right," the house instructed him. Bruce wasn't sure where the house was leading him, but he obeyed and ended up in a huge kitchen. A pretty redheaded woman was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He remembered her from the board meeting--it was Pepper Potts, Tony's personal assistant. Did she live here too? Bruce supposed there was certainly room for her.

"Oh, good morning, Dr. Banner," she said with a warm smile. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Um... hello. I was just... leaving. But I couldn't find the door?"

"Or your phone?" she asked, still smiling.

"Or that," he acknowledged.

"Well, I can help you find the door if you'd like, but Tony took your phone."

Bruce sighed. "Of course he did."

Pepper looked sympathetic. "If it makes you feel any better, he only did it because he likes you."

"Or because he has no respect for personal privacy. What is he, four?"

"In some ways... basically," Pepper said. She shrugged. "He doesn't sleep very well and he hates to just lie awake in bed. But he figured you'd want your phone back. If he didn't like you, he'd have left all your stuff where it was and told me to get a car for you when you got up."

"He couldn't leave a note?"

"Tony… is a scientist and he has concluded that this method is more effective than note-leaving."

Bruce ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I have to go home and feed my dog, I can't..."

"It's okay, I can send over a dogwalker."

"Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous. I just... "

"Okay, it's fine, come on, let's go get Tony," Pepper said, her tone soothing. Bruce wondered how often she had to go through this with Tony's one-night stands. 

"The, um, the house told me he was in his workshop?" Bruce said, immediately regretting it.

Pepper smiled warmly. "That's JARVIS. He runs the house."

"Oh," Bruce said. "Some kind of AI?"

"Yes," Pepper said. "I'm sure Tony would be more than happy to explain him to you."

"Great," Bruce said.

He followed her to an elevator, where she keyed in a code and took him down to a lower level. It looked like some kind of Star Trek garage or something, and Tony was poking at a holographic model. Bruce saw his phone sitting on the counter. Unless it was a hologram of his phone.

Tony looked up and grinned. "Pepper! Banner! Good to see you're finally up!"

"Tony, it's barely seven AM," Pepper said. "Dr. Banner would like his phone back."

"Yes, I would," Bruce said.

"You haven't even had coffee. You can't leave yet." Bruce noticed a coffee mug and a tumbler of thick green liquid sitting out and wondered if the green stuff was a hangover cure. Bruce felt fine, but Tony had probably drank three times as much as he had. 

"I offered him coffee."

"I have to go feed my dog," Bruce said. "I mean, I can do it without my phone, if I have to."

"Oh, you have a dog?" Tony asked. "I hear they're very high maintenance."

Pepper snorted and Bruce said, "Yeah, she's been known to get grumpy without food."

Tony handed over Bruce's phone and said, "All right, all right, go feed Spot. And call your friend Darcy back, she sent you a few hundred messages."

"Oh, come on, I put a password on it..." Bruce said, then trailed off. Tony was a world-renowned engineer, after all. 

"Don't worry, I didn't look at anything else. I'd like to meet her, though. She has some great ideas."

"She works at the circulation desk," Bruce said. "If you want to talk to her, just check out a book."

"Mm-hmm. And if I want to talk to _you_?" Goddammit. Tony Stark had shown himself to be self-absorbed and irritating, but he could also give Bruce these little vulnerable glances that... intrigued him. Flattered him, even.

Bruce sighed. "Well, you can come by the reference desk. And I assume you have my phone number. And all the rest of my biodata."

Tony grinned. "Sounds good. I'll have Pepper set something up with you. So we can talk about the library budget. Just get really deep into it. The budget."

"Okay," Bruce said. He looked at Pepper, who said, "I think Happy's still asleep, but I can give you a ride back to your car."

"Um, thanks," Bruce said. He glanced back at Tony, who was completely enthralled by whatever he was working on. He followed Pepper out to a garage. Bruce didn't know a lot about cars, but he was sure these were all very expensive ones. "Is Happy a person?" he asked.

"Yeah, he's Tony's driver. And bodyguard, I guess." Pepper led him to a sporty convertible and said, "Look, I know Tony is... well, he's Tony. But he... well, I've been worried about him ever since he came back from Afghanistan. I hesitate to say this, but... I think you'd be good for him."

Bruce said, "What makes you say that?"

"You're not impressed by him. By this," Pepper said, indicating the car, but also the house, the life.

"I'm generally averse to conspicuous displays of consumption."

"Yes. Exactly," Pepper said, starting up the car. They pulled out of a garage and the security gate automatically opened for them. "Anyway, God knows Tony can be obnoxious, and I know you don't owe Tony anything. But... for what it's worth, honest, under the... under everything, he's got a heart of gold."

"I'll keep that in mind," Bruce said.

"You should."

Pepper pulled in next to a green Prius with a roof rack and an NPR sticker. "I assume this is your car?" she asked drily.

"Yeah. Thanks for the ride," Bruce said.

"I'll be in touch, Dr. Banner. Pet your dog from me."

Bruce flashed a quick smile. "Bruce is fine. And I'll do that. I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

Pepper waited until he was settled in his car, then waved and drove off. Bruce checked his phone and saw all the messages Darcy had sent and Tony had read. One of them was a link to a TMZ article. Bruce clicked it and was startled to see an image of Tony Stark groping his ass. At least his face wasn't really in it. He wondered how Tony dealt with having his whole life on the internet like this. He didn't really seem to mind it, but Bruce didn't care for it.

Bruce drove himself home. He fed Sundara, who was absolutely delighted to see him, and took her for a walk. Then he finally succumbed to his curiosity and googled Tony Stark. He knew who Tony was, of course. Everyone knew who Tony Stark was, especially in Malibu, where everyone swapped stories of their Tony Stark encounters at parties. But Bruce got his news from NPR, Al-Jazeera, and Democracy Now. He never read celebrity gossip magazines, or, God forbid, gossip blogs. He knew it was snobbish, but he considered himself above all that.

He vaguely remembered reading about Stark's kidnap and rescue. He'd had privately thought that a weapons-monger like Tony Stark deserved it, though the better part of him knew that was unjust. Now he caught up on a year's worth of gossip and saw that Stark, always an eccentric playboy, now appeared to be an alcoholic wreck. There was talk that Stark Industries might sue to have him removed from the board of directors of his own company. Apparently, Stark had shut down his company's weapons division, which represented a _huge_ part of Stark Industries' profits. He was trying to reinvent Stark Industries as a consumer electronics and medical research company.

Bruce watched a YouTube video of Tony describing the company's history. It included footage of Howard Stark showing off a flying car at StarkExpo back in the 40s. Bruce wondered how closely Tony might emulate Howard Stark--flying cars seemed like they would be very fuel inefficient. Though, like everyone else who had grown up on The Jetsons, he secretly thought they were pretty awesome. Maybe the new generation would be hybrid flying cars.

Then Bruce googled himself, to see what Tony might have read about him. The last time he'd googled himself nothing too incriminating had come up, nothing about the time young Bruce Banner, archivist at the National Military Archives, had lost his temper and destroyed priceless original records of the horrifying super soldier experiments from the 40s. Certainly Bruce never talked about it, and the Archives and the Army both seemed happy to keep that information from the public eye. 

Still, people talked. It was why he was never invited to join any national committees. It also was why Steve Rogers (US Army, Captain, retired) had hired an archivist with several resume gaps and insufficient references as a public reference librarian.

* * *

**Text message from Bruce Banner to Darcy Lewis, 5/5/12 9:00am**  
Tony Stark stole my phone and read all your messages, he wants to meet you now

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/5/12 9:01am**  
SHUT UPPPPP

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/5/12 9:01am**  
I'm not even mad u woke me up.

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/5/12 9:02am**  
Did u have fun?? TELL ME EVERYTHING

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/5/12 9:02am**  
U looked good on TMZ but would have been better if you had tighter pants

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/5/12 9:03am**  
Are u gonna invite me to Tony's mansion, I wanna see it

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Darcy Lewis, 5/5/12 9:04am**  
I told him he could meet you at the circ desk

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 5/5/12 9:04am**  
WTF I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS  >:(

* * *

Bruce wasn't shocked when Tony Stark showed up at the reference desk again, but he hadn't been sure it would happen, either. Since they actually _had_ gone on a date, given Tony Stark's playboy reputation, it was eminently possible that it would be their last.

"Can I help you?" Bruce asked automatically.

"Well, the thing is, is I realized I may have made a slight miscalculation."

"Yes?"

"I did tons of research about e-reader technology and how to make the best possible product. But I didn't do much user testing on the other end."

Bruce inclined his head in a "go on" way.

"So," Tony said breezily, "I thought I'd spend some time here, just observing the whole library deal."

"I... don't know about that," Bruce said.

"What? Come on, you're the one who wanted me to understand how important libraries are. For the ' _community_ '." Tony did air quotes around "community."

"That's true. But last week you were up here for two minutes and you insulted a patron."

"Yeah, but she deserved it."

"Tony, look. A lot of the people who come to the library... " Bruce considered his words. "A lot of them come to the library because other social avenues have already failed them. And a lot of them ask for what appear to be very stupid things."

"I can answer stupid questions, no problem."

Bruce crossed his arms, and Tony said, "All right, all right. I won't say a word. I'll just observe. I swear. I won't even tell you that you look very cute in your little polo shirt."

Bruce sized up Tony, then picked up the desk phone and called Steve's extension. "Steve? Do you have a minute to come out to the reference desk? I have something I want to run by you. No, everything's fine. Okay. Okay. Thanks."

"Oh, what, you have to get permission from your boss to have a visitor at the reference desk?"

"Yes," Bruce said. Tony huffed, and Bruce ignored him in favor of reading the circ reports until Steve arrived. Steve was in his 80s, but he looked 20 years younger, and he was still a commanding presence at the library when he needed to be.

"Ah. Tony," Steve said. He looked unsurprised.

"Captain Rogers. Good to see you again."

"Steve, Tony here wanted to join me at the reference desk to observe for a bit," Bruce said. "I wasn't sure what you'd think, given... privacy concerns."

"Look, if I wanted to hack into people's library accounts, I could definitely do that from home. Your security could use an upgrade. Anyway, it could be a great publicity opportunity for the library," Tony said. 

"Uh huh. And for Stark Industries," Steve said, ignoring the first half of Tony's statement.

Bruce said, "I... I think that, given the partnership we're building with Stark Industries, it might be a good idea for Tony to have some idea of what our library actually does on a day-to-day basis. I'm just not sure of the best way to go about doing that."

"We're librarians. Connecting people with information is what we do," Steve said. "Tony, why don't you come back to my office with me, and we'll see what we can work out?"

"Fine, fine," Tony said, rolling his eyes as he followed Steve back to his office. He looked like a kid on his way to the principal's office. Bruce watched with bemusement, and then helped a woman who had two reference questions: 1) "Was that Tony Stark?" and 2) "Do you have any books about weddings?" Bruce asked some follow-up questions and sent the woman off with some DIY low-budget wedding planning books.

* * *

**Reference Log  
** Monday, May 7, 2012  
(Page 1 of 3) 

1) Computer assistance  
2) Directional  
3) 50 Shades  
4) 50 Shades Readalikes  
5) Job search  
6) Vegan cookbooks  
7) 50 Shades  
8) Paranormal romance  
9) Janet Evanovich  
10) Travel guides  
11) Test prep (ASVAB)  
12) Computer assistance  
13) E-reader assistance  
14) 50 Shades  
15) Knitting  
16) Conspiracy Theories (JFK)  
17) Conspiracy Theories (Elvis)  
18) Conspiracy Theories (Aliens)  
19) Conspiracy Theories (Other)  
20) Directional  
21) E-Reader assistance  
22) 50 Shades

* * *

"So, it looks like you could be replaced by a vending machine that dispenses copies of _Fifty Shades of Grey_ ," Tony said, flipping through the reference log. 

"I thought you were going to be a silent observer," Bruce said.

"I believe I promised not to say a word to library patrons. I assumed I could talk to _you_. You know, to get the librarian perspective."

"Fine," Bruce said. "Yes, certainly, there are some aspects of librarianship that could be automated. However, many parts of our jobs are much more complicated than that, and--hey, Darcy."

"Oh my _God_. Does Tony Stark _work here_ now?"

Bruce sighed. "Tony, this is my friend Darcy, who works at the circulation desk. Darcy, this is Tony Stark."

"Um, yeah, I know," Darcy said.

"Darcy from your phone? Am I allowed to talk to her?" Tony stage whispered.

"Oh God, are you guys--"

"Tony is here to _observe_ the reference desk and he is not allowed to talk to patrons," Bruce said.

"Well, I'm not a patron, and I just wanna look at him," Darcy said.

Tony preened. "I must say, I appreciated the advice you gave to Bruce. You seem very wise, although I wish you had a phone with spellcheck."

"I know, Bruce is very lucky to know me. And I'm totally upgrading to a StarkPhone when my contract is up."

"I knew I liked you," Tony said, with a smile like a magazine cover. 

"Darcy, did you come back here for an actual reason or just to torture me?"

"Torturing you is in my job description. Under 'other duties as assigned.' But, yes, I was looking for some stuff on the pull list. The Horizon status is 'reference office.' Do you have them?

"Let me see the list?" She handed it over and Bruce said, "I think these are for the mythology display Jane's working on. Check with her, they're probably on her desk, but I assume you can pull them. I mean, the whole point of a display is to get stuff checked out."

"Right," Darcy said. "I'm totally gonna go get those. Totally just gonna go back to the office and not talk to the famous billionaire." She sighed melodramatically.

"Why don't we go out for drinks after you guys get off work?" Tony suggested. "On me, obviously."

"I thought you'd never ask!" Darcy said. "But I'll have to check my calendar and get back to you." She sashayed off to the reference office.

Bruce shook his head, and Tony smiled. "She's good," he said.

"She's something," Bruce said. Then he answered the phone and put another patron on the hold list for _Fifty Shades_.

"See, I'd think people would prefer to read that on e-book, so it's not so obvious they're reading kinky porn," Tony said.

Bruce shrugged. "Some people would, sure. But a lot of our romance readers--"

" _Fifty Shades_ is _romance_?" Tony asked incredulously.

"Yes. Technically. And a lot of our romance readers tend to be a little older. They tend not to be as familiar with technology, and they're just more comfortable with a print book."

"But think of all the _germs_ on the library copies of that book."

"I try not to," Bruce replied. Reflexively, he reached for the giant bottle of hand sanitizer and applied some. Tony took some too.

Tony said, "So that's a problem that could be solved with education. If your library patrons had more exposure to StarkReaders, maybe if there were free classes to teach them… they'd be more prepared."

Bruce laughed and offered Tony a schedule of the library's free computer classes.

"Oh, I don't like to be handed things," Tony said breezily.

Bruce set the schedule on the desk and said, "Fine, google it, then. We offer the classes every month, but it's just not the same."

"But why not? The StarkReaders are better--"

"Hi, how can I help you?" Bruce asked, cutting off Tony to help the patron who'd approached the desk.

"Oh, um. I heard you can get help with job applications here?" the patron asked shyly. He looked to be in his late forties.

"That's absolutely true. Do you have a library card?" Bruce asked. He helped the patron log on to a computer, then talked him through the process of setting up an email account, including that tricky CAPTCHA, then step by step clicking through an online job application.

When he returned to the desk some thirty minute later, Tony stared at him in awe. "Are you going for sainthood?" he asked.

"Huh?" Bruce asked.

"How could you stand that? That's ridiculous, he didn't even have an email address."

"Shh!" Bruce said. "That's rude. I'm just doing my job."

"But--"

"A lot of our library patrons are re-entering the job market," Bruce said through gritted teeth. "The last time they applied for jobs, they were on paper applications. Now they have to have an email, they have to know how to type, just to _apply_ for these jobs that don't actually require any skills. That guy'd been a trucker for 20 years, now all of a sudden he needs an email address?"

"Everyone needs an email address," Tony said.

"Well, now they do," Bruce said. He took a deep breath and glanced at his watch. It was almost lunch time.

"But the form to get a free email address is so easy. Why did it take so long?"

"It's easy for _you_ , because you're familiar with computers. It's not easy for _everyone_ ," Bruce explained.

"There are like, four questions. How could it be easier?"

"It requires a text message confirmation to set up a new account. The rules about passwords are too complicated. Patrons have trouble typing." Bruce made a vague hand gesture and then was saved by the ringing phone.

Tony was typing furiously into his own phone. When Bruce finished helping the patron by phone, Tony smiled. "See? I knew this was a good idea. I'm learning so much."

"Great. Happy to help," Bruce said. After a pause, he asked something that he'd been wondering about since Tony had dropped by last week. "Hey, how do you know Steve?"

"Huh? Oh… he was friends with my dad," Tony said.

"Oh. Right," Bruce said. "Howard Stark worked with Project Rebirth."

"Right, you wrote about that in your thesis."

"Uh, a little," Bruce said.

"Really fascinating stuff, right?"

"That's one word for it."

"What word would you use, then?" Tony asked. 

"Horrifying? Appalling? Disgusting?"

"Hey," Tony said. "The work my father did helped us win the war."

"I mean, so did the A-bomb, but does that mean we were right to use it?" Bruce could feel his blood pressure rising, and he consciously forced himself to take deep breaths.

"Is this--is this coming from Captain Rogers?" Tony asked. He sounded almost hurt.

"No, not exactly. I used to work for the National Archives and Records Administration."

"Right, I remember now. A pacifist working for the military archives, huh?"

"Maybe the military archives made me a pacifist," Bruce said, although that wasn't the full story. But he really didn't want to start talking about his dad at the reference desk. He supposed he wouldn't be surprised if Tony already knew--he'd clearly done a very thorough e-stalking of Bruce, and Brian Banner's arrest records were public.

To Bruce's surprise, Tony's face softened. "Okay. I get that," he said.

Jane approached the desk and said, "Ready for lunch?"

"Yes," Bruce said emphatically.

"Great, where are we going?" Tony asked.

"I thought you were observing the reference desk," Bruce said.

"I was, but now the reference librarian is going to lunch."

"Jane is also a reference librarian," Bruce said.

"But it's lunch time," Tony said.

"Fine, whatever. Go eat your lunch. I have to go home and let my dog out," Bruce said. 

"What an exhausting pet you have."

"Indeed," Bruce said drily.

* * *

**Petition**

We, the undersigned, request that the Malibu Public Library board take immediate action to remove Thor Odinson from his position as manager of children's services. Mr. Odinson's lascivious behavior has shown him to be an inappropriate role model for our children. (See attached scans.)

Signed,

Loki Laufeyson

* * *

"I just cannot believe it," Thor said, for at least the fourth time that morning. He and Bruce were both lying on their surfboards past the break. Several great waves had come and gone, because Thor was still ranting about his brother's petition and Bruce didn't have the heart to interrupt him. "How could he do this to me? To the library? To the _children_?"

"Yeah, it's shitty," Bruce agreed. "But Steve and the board will stand with you, right? I mean, those photos have got to be fake."

"Well," Thor said.

"Wait. They're _not_?"

Thor sighed. "The photos are real, my friend, but I had no idea Loki sold them."

Bruce squinted at his friend. "Your brother sold sexy photos of you to Harlequin without asking?"

"So it would seem."

"So… they're not at all photoshopped?"

"Well, the maidens were added in."

"But where did he even get the original photos of you? You've had the same Facebook picture for as long as I've known you." It was a picture Darcy had taken of Thor when she first started at the library, a picture of fully-clothed Thor holding a giant coffee mug and giving the camera a cheesy smile.

"He… took them. When he visited last summer," Thor admitted.

"Oh," Bruce said. 

Thor shrugged. "He told me he'd gotten a new camera and he asked me to try some different poses… I didn't think that much of it. I was happy he'd wanted to visit in the first place."

Bruce supposed that if he looked like Thor, maybe he wouldn't think much of posing shirtless on the beach. "Okay, well… well, even if it is really you, they're just romance novels. It's not like it's porn. I mean, we have some of those novels in our collection."

"Exactly!" Thor said. "Americans are such prudes. Present company excluded, of course."

"Right," Bruce said uncomfortably. "Well, anyway, kids love you. And I bet their moms love you too, especially now that they've seen those books. I'm sure this will all blow over."

"I don't know," Thor said gloomily. "The petition has over 800 signatures already."

"Eight hundred?" Bruce repeated incredulously. "How is that even possible? I couldn't even get five hundred people to sign my wind energy petition. He must be paying people to sign it or something. Which is unethical. And maybe illegal?"

"I would not put it past him," Thor said.

Bruce ran a hand in the water and said, cautiously, "I didn't even know your brother visited last summer."

"Ah. Well. It was on short notice. I would have invited you to meet him, but… he did not stay long," Thor said. It was as sad as Bruce had ever heard him sound, in all their years of friendship.

"Well, what do you think he wants? What's his motive here? He doesn't live here, right? Does he even have kids?" Bruce asked.

"No. No children. His motive is to ruin my life."

Bruce laughed, then stopped when he realized Thor wasn't joking. "Oh. Uh. Why?"

"I have always loved my younger brother… he is my only sibling. But he has always… well, he had some difficulty adjusting, when he learned he was adopted… When our father died, he left our family estate to me, in Norway. But by then I already lived here, and Loki did not, so I gave him my permission to live there, along with our mother." Thor paused. "I suppose I could have signed the property over to him entirely, but it just didn't occur to me that it would matter? And the taxes… I am sure they would be complicated. It is all very complicated."

"That's it?"

"Well… no," Thor admitted. "My brother also blames me for the death of our mother."

"What?" Bruce asked. He remembered how devastated Thor had been after his mother's death a few years ago. "Didn't your mom have Alzheimer's?"

"Yes."

"So…"

Thor sighed. "My brother felt that if I had gone home sooner, or spent more time with her, perhaps my mother's health would not have deteriorated so drastically."

"That's not how medicine works," Bruce protested. "And you took a lot of leave."

"I am aware," Thor said. "And yet. That, in short, is why my brother is doing this."

"All right, well… it'll be fine. I mean, it doesn't have anything to do with your performance at work. And I don't think there's anything in our employee contracts about what we do in our free time. As long as it's not illegal. I… I'll look into it. Anyway, if anything, I'd bet your attendance stats will go up. The nannies will be fighting to get front row seats."

"Yes," Thor said thoughtfully. "You know, they already do. Every time, I must remind them that children should be in the front!"

"See? You'll be fine, Thor. Now go get that wave." 

"You give wise counsel, Banner," Thor said, before paddling hard and riding an impressive wave back to shore.

Bruce hoped that was true, for all of their sakes.

* * *

**Date:** Friday, May 18, 9:22am  
**To:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**From:** ppotts@stark.com  
**Subject** : 8pm date with Tony Stark

Hi Bruce,

Just writing to confirm that you and Tony are on for dinner tonight at Cafe Nouveau at 8. Tony will pick you up.

PS Thank you for the yoga DVD! It's been very helpful. 

<3,

Pepper Potts  
Personal Assistant to Tony Stark  
Stark Industries  
1000 Stark Way  
Malibu, CA 90265  
ppotts@stark.com  
Office: 818-555-7875  
Cell: 818-555-7088  
@pepperpotts  
“The secret of joy in work is contained in one word – excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.” –Pearl Buck

 **Date:** Friday, May 18, 9:45am  
**To:** ppotts@stark.com  
**From:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**Subject** : Re: 8pm date with Tony Stark

Thanks, Pepper. Glad you like the DVD. I especially enjoyed the restorative affirmations on that one. You should really come to my friend Nat's yoga studio sometime. She's a great instructor.

PS not that I don't enjoy our talks, but… does all of Tony's social life go through you?

Bruce Banner, MLS, PhD  
Manager of Reference Services, Malibu Public Library  
bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
http://www.malibulibrary.org/  
555-555-1378

 **Date:** Friday, May 18, 9:50am  
**To:** bbanner@malibulibrary.org  
**From:** ppotts@stark.com  
**Subject** : Re: 8pm date with Tony Stark

Bruce,

Unfortunately, if you want Tony to actually show up for something anywhere near on time, it pretty much has to go through me. Don't worry, though, I'm very discreet.

* * *

"Hey, so, you want to come back to my place? I have this new solar powered tablet prototype I want to show you," Tony asked, after their waitress took away their empty plates.

"Sure, and then can we look at your etchings?" Bruce replied. He sipped his wine, trying to escape the stresses of the work week. Today especially he'd been slammed with out of work adults, and it was hard for Bruce that he couldn't help everyone. 

Tony smiled and said, "No, no. Anyone can seduce with art. It takes true talent to seduce with engineering."

"Haven't I already been seduced?" Bruce asked. They'd been on several dates since their first one, and almost all of them had ended up back at one of their places--usually Tony's. Tony got along okay with Bruce's dog, but he found it hard to get accustomed to a house that didn't have an AI built into the walls.

"Mm, I think you could stand to be more seduced. Also, this prototype is super cool. You'll love it."

"Okay, let's go see it, then," Bruce said. Tony's enthusiasm could definitely be contagious, and he chattered the whole way back to his house about the energy efficiency and usability of the device. In the downstairs lab, Tony proudly showed Bruce the device.

"Look? See, it's still got a full charge of battery and I only took it outside for like 10 minutes today. And the screen adapts to ambient lighting."

Bruce studied the device, leaning casually against the counter. "It's really impressive, Tony."

Tony frowned. "But…?"

"I'm sorry, Tony, it's just hard for me to stop thinking like I'm at work."

"No, that's good. Valuable user feedback. Tell me what's wrong with it, I can take it. My ego is very healthy."

"Nothing's _wrong_ with it, it's just… honestly, nothing's wrong with it as a device, it's just hard for me to stop worrying about what's going to happen to people who can't afford this stuff. It's already harder and harder to get jobs… whatever. I'm sorry. Let's not talk about it. I'm supposed to be off duty tonight."

Tony nodded. "I get it, though, you know? I can't stop thinking about work, either… and I really do want to make a difference. Even… I know what people said, and thought, about all of Stark Industries' weapons… but I really believed that they were making the world safer. I mean, yeah, of course, we were making money from it… " he trailed off. Bruce opened his mouth to speak and Tony held up a hand to stop him. "No, I know, I know what you're going to say, because you've said it a million times, I know not everyone has wifi at home, yet. And I totally get that some people like print books, and all of that."

Bruce raised his eyebrows and let Tony keep talking. He hadn't been sure if Tony actually ever listened to Bruce. Tony added, "But I really think that if we innovate consumer technology like this, it will make people happier and more productive. I mean, think about the difference the printing press has made. Think about the refrigerator. These kinds of products have made all of our lives better. Those are the kinds of innovations I can make. And since I make money doing it... I'm doing my best to invest our profits in ways to make our community, our world… _better_. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because I want to make out with you?"

"Oh, good, I hoped it was that," Tony said. He set the device aside and wrapped his arms around Bruce's neck, burying his fingers in Bruce's hair before kissing him. Eventually, they fumbled their way up to Tony's bedroom. At some point after that, they both fell asleep. 

Bruce woke, disoriented. It was still dark in the room. Next to him, Tony was flailing. Bruce said, softly, "JARVIS, would you turn on the light, please?" JARVIS obeyed. Bruce still wasn't quite used to the whole AI house thing, but it was nice not to have to grope for the slight switch in the dark.

He gently shook Tony awake. Tony sat upright, said, "No!" and pushed Bruce away, hard. Startled, Bruce fell off the bed. For a moment, he felt a horrified burst of fight-or-flight settle in. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, reminding himself of where he was and who he was with. After a moment, he got back on the bed and looked at Tony, who was breathing fast and didn't seem aware of what he'd just done.

Cautiously, he said, "Hey, Tony? I--I think you were having a nightmare. Tony. Tony? Tony?"

Tony shook his head and said, "Bruce?"

"Yeah. Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I just, you know, sometimes I have these nightmares, panic attacks, all those fun PTSD-type things you might get after being kidnapped by terrorists," Tony said. It was clear to Bruce that Tony was trying to make a joke.

"Okay," Bruce said gently. "C'mere."

Tony looked at him with wide eyes. "No, I'm fine, I think I'm just gonna go down to my workshop…"

"Tony, it's the middle of the night."

"Genius keeps no schedule."

"Genius needs sleep."

"Ah, that's where you're wrong, Bruce. Genius just needs coffee," Tony said shakily.

"Does this happen every night?"

"Not _every_ night. But… many nights," Tony said. "I've been trying not to wake you up. When you stay over."

"Hey. You can wake me up if you want. I don't mind," Bruce said. He thought back to past nights with Tony. Tony had always been awake and out of bed before Bruce got up, but Bruce had just figured Tony was an early riser. Now he was wondering if Tony had ever even gone to sleep those nights.

"But I mind," Tony said. 

"It's okay. I get it," Bruce said.

"Do you?" Tony asked, his voice turning sharp.

"More than you might think," Bruce said. "You've only met me after… oh, years of therapy and anger management practice."

"Huh. I knew there was something a little too calm about you. But I thought it was weed."

"Well, sometimes it is," Bruce admitted. "I mean… I'm not going to pretend like I know what it's like to be kidnapped, to go through all the things you went through. But I know what it's like to be afraid, to wake up feeling afraid. I know what it's like to feel… to feel like things are out of your control."

"Okay," Tony said, after a long pause. In a near-whisper, he asked, "But do you know what it's like to feel like you _deserve_ it?"

Bruce reached his hand across the bed and took Tony's hand in his, feeling guilty for the way he'd once judged Tony. "Yeah," he said. "It's… it's kind of a hallmark of abused children."

"Jesus, Banner," Tony said. "I--I didn't know."

"It's not really my go-to conversation opener or anything. But, yeah, my dad was… pretty much the worst. It took me a really long time to get over that. As much as you ever can get over it, anyway. But, you know, the nightmares, the panic, the guilt… all that fun stuff… I get it," Bruce said, gently rubbing Tony's hand with his thumb. 

 

"See, all my crazy is up-front. I mean, most of it, anyway," Tony said.

"Yeah, I've got surprise, beneath-the-surface crazy," Bruce said. "So stay here and... be crazy with me. You can finish your prototype tomorrow morning. It'll still be there."

"You make a good argument," Tony said. "Okay. But I want to be big spoon."

"Okay," Bruce agreed, curling up against Tony. "Do you want to do a guided meditation with me?"

"Nope."

"Are you sure? It can really help."

"This seems like a gateway drug situation, where if I say yes to this, then I have to do yoga, and next thing you know I'm living in a commune."

"No communes, I promise."

"You're not denying the yoga," Tony said.

"I'll send you some studies about how effective yoga can be for recovering from PTSD and other traumas."

"Oh, I get it, you're trying to bore me into falling asleep."

"Exactly," Bruce said. "Now, close your eyes, and imagine yourself in a forest…"

* * *

**TMZ.com  
** Thursday, May 24, 8:00am  
Tony Stark's Librarian Boyfriend Needs a Haircut 

[image]  
Caption: Bruce Banner spotted at Coffee-a-Go-Go, Malibu

 

Over the years, billionaire playboy Tony Stark has been seen on the arms of hot young models and actors of all genders. Lately, though--possibly in an attempt to clean up his image--he's been stepping out with someone closer to his own age, identified as Bruce Banner, librarian at Malibu Public Library. We like a celebrity/commoner relationship as much as the next blog, but if Banner wants to hang on to Tony Stark, he's going to need to step up his personal grooming routine. He definitely needs a haircut, and we'd recommend a wardrobe upgrade ASAP. At the very least, he should invest in a comb of some kind.

See Also:  
Meet Tony Stark's Sexy Librarian, 5/15/15  
Tony Stark Spotted at Malibu Farmer's Market, 5/18/15

* * *

**Malibu Public Library Patron Request Form**

**Patron name:** Tony Stark  
**Library card number:** 2311044850091  
**Item requested:** Seduced by a Surfer by Marilynn James  
**Format requested:** Print

* * *

Bruce looked up from Tony's request and said, "Oh, _now_ you want print material?"

"Yeah, I've reversed my stance on the privacy of e-readers. Now I want everyone to see the cover."

Bruce looked up the book online. He should have realized from the title--it was one of Thor's Harlequin covers. "Oh. Very funny."

"C'mon, it's hilarious!"

"It's not funny if my friend loses his job over it."

"Oh, please, it's California. He'll probably get a raise." Taking in Bruce's face, Tony added, "Alright, alright, sorry, I won't make jokes about your sexy friend."

"Thank you."

"But I did want to ask if you were on the cover of any of those books, and if so, where can I find them?"

"Yes, I'm on the cover of _Middle-Aged Librarians Monthly_."

"Alright, touchy. I'm just asking a question. I thought that was your job."

"You are ridiculing me in my workplace," Bruce said. As if he needed to be reminded that he didn't look like Thor. He didn't have flowing blonde locks or a godlike physique. He was just a middle-aged librarian who, apparently, needed a haircut and a wardrobe update.

"Whoa, hey, ridicule? If anything, I'm sexually harassing you. But I happen to know that your lunch break started three minutes ago, so it doesn't count."

"I'm starting to think you don't pay Pepper enough."

"She is extremely well compensated for her time, thank you very much. And she has notified me that I'm taking you out to lunch today."

Bruce logged out of his email and took off his nametag. "Yes. That's in my bullet journal."

"Your _bullet journal_? Are you a mobster on the side? You know I don't make weapons anymore."

"I had heard that, yes. No, my bullet journal is my planner. It's an organizational technique. I'll tell you all about it at lunch," Bruce said, stepping out from behind the reference desk and heading out to the parking lot with Tony.

"Noo," Tony whined. "I refuse to spend my lunch break talking about organizational techniques."

"Maybe you shouldn't date a librarian, then," Bruce said, sliding into the passenger seat of Tony's convertible.

Tony smirked and glanced sidelong at him before pulling out of the parking lot. "Is that your professional opinion?"

"I mean, it is all a little… what are we doing?"

"Going to let your dog out before lunch? And talking about your bullet journal, if we must."

"No, I mean… you know, us. This. You're… Tony Stark."

"I'm so glad you finally learned my name, Bruce."

"I mean, you know. You date _models_. And, as you pointed out, I'm not exactly a model."

"What? When did I say that?" Tony frowned. "I would never say something so outrageously incorrect."

"Just now, when you were asking about me being on the cover of a romance novel… I mean I know, I know I don't, you know, look like Thor."

"Bruce! You thought I was making fun of you? I would never. I mean, I would, actually, all the time, but not about you not being hot. You're super hot."

"Tony…"

"Bruce. I mean it. As you know, I'm very shallow. C'mon, you've got the whole surfer thing going on, and your hair… " Tony pulled into Bruce's driveway and reached over to run a hand through Bruce's hair.

Bruce turned away and unbuckled his seatbelt. "I know, I know, I need a haircut… it's in my bullet journal."

Tony followed Bruce out of the car and said, "Wait, a haircut? Noo."

Bruce opened the door. Sundara immediately jumped up on him and he scratched behind her ears. "Good girl," he said.

"You never tell me I'm good when I jump on you," Tony said. "This is an unfair double standard."

Bruce rolled his eyes and clipped on Sundara's leash.

"Fine, be a grump," Tony said. "Maybe you're just hangry. What do you want to do for lunch?"

"Uh, maybe we can just stay here? I can make sandwiches or something?"

Tony scrolled through his phone. "I dunno, Bruce, I'm betting you only have gross healthy stuff here. I… oh, God dammit."

"Is everything okay?"

"No, it's not okay. Oh, I can't believe this… I mean, I can, but I hate it… Bruce, why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

Tony scowled and flipped his phone at Bruce, showing the TMZ post about Bruce's hair. "I was just checking my Google alert and saw this fine piece of journalism. Honestly. That's what you were upset about, right?"

"I… didn't love it."

"Well, it's total bullshit. I'll have Pepper help you get a restraining order. I mean, I know the paparazzi have gotten some shots of you when you were out with me, but I didn't know they were bugging you when it was just you."

"I don't think they are, I think maybe one of them just went to the same coffeeshop as me by coincidence," Bruce said.

"Maybe," Tony said skeptically. "The restraining order wouldn't be a bad idea, though. I mean… ugh. But seriously, Bruce, those dicks don't know _shit_ , and I hate that you would have to think about them for even ten seconds. And, for real, don't get a haircut. I mean, unless you want one? But you don't, right?"

"Um," Bruce said, self-consciously running a hand through his unruly curls.

"Okay, good. Go walk your dog, I'm going to take care of a few things," Tony said, curling up on Bruce's couch with his phone pressed against his ear.

Bruce laughed and took Sundara out, feeling slightly embarrassed but mostly relieved. He knew the tabloids were stupid, but he also knew that there was usually a kernel of truth in their dumb stories. And it didn't take TMZ to tell Bruce that Tony usually dated people who were more attractive than Bruce was.

When he got back, he found Tony sitting at the kitchen table with fancy sandwiches from the deli around the corner. Tony was yelling at someone on the phone, but he smiled at Bruce. Bruce put away Sundara's leash and gave her a treat, then sat down next to Tony. Bruce reached for his phone, and realized he must have left it charging at his desk. Instead he flipped through his bullet journal, making sure he wasn't overlooking any upcoming appointments.

Finally, Tony ended his phone conversation and said, "Pepper's going to send some paperwork over to you this afternoon, you'll just have to e-sign and send it back, and it should help keep the photographers off your back."

"Thanks, Tony," Bruce said. "I mean it's really not… it's not a big deal."

"Bullshit," Tony said. He took a bite of chicken salad sandwich and added with his mouth full, "I'm used to them, it's part of my whole deal. But they should leave you alone. I mean, it's hard enough to date me without them making it worse."

Bruce laughed and took his hummus wrap out of the delivery box. "Well, it is a lot of pressure to be expected to clean up your image."

"Oh, God, I forgot they said that. Yeah, you are really doing a terrible job of that, by the way."

"Besides, I thought your donation to the library would be enough to do that, without bringing me into it," Bruce said.

Tony's face fell. "You don't think that's why I'm doing it, do you?"

Bruce chewed his bite of hummus wrap carefully before answering. "Uh… kind of? I mean, no offense, but isn't that… kind of what all corporate donations are about?"

"I can't just do things out of the goodness of my heart?" Tony asked. His voice sounded a touch brittle, and Bruce hesitated before replying. 

"I mean, yes, of course you can… and we're all very… grateful… for your donation," he said. "Seriously, it's very… generous."

"That's not what you said at the board meeting when I proposed it. Don't get all bullshitty on me now, Banner."

Bruce sighed. "Well, it's not your fault our budget is cut, and I know… you mean well. And people will definitely like the e-readers. And everything. It's… it's a nice gesture. Really."

Tony laughed, a touch bitterly. "I guess it doesn't matter what I do, huh? People just see me as the same old Tony Stark, playboy war monger."

Bruce looked down at his hands. "I know that you closed your weapons manufacturing facilities after… after Afghanistan."

"Wait. You don't think that was a publicity stunt too, do you?"

"I… Tony, I don't know anything about business," Bruce said weakly.

"Oh? Is that why you have a 'Ban NAFTA' T-shirt?" 

Bruce shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He did know some things about business--enough to know that most corporations were basically evil. But Tony was different. Not what he thought the CEO of a (former) weapons company would be like.

Tony sighed. "I get it, I know the 'poor little rich billionaire' thing is a cliche… but Bruce, I'm really trying, you know? And all anybody sees is the old Tony Stark. And I thought maybe… "

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe you understood. I didn't think you would be with me if you thought I was as terrible as everyone else does."

"Tony, I don't think you're terrible. I don't--I don't know where this is coming from. Is there something else online?"

"No. Yeah. Probably."

"Okay. Well, you're right, I wouldn't be… with you if I thought you were terrible," Bruce said. 

Across the table from him, Tony's phone buzzed. He looked at it and frowned. He scrolled through something for a moment, and then said, "I'd better get you back to the library. I know how important it is to you."

Bruce checked the time on his watch. Strange--he had to be back at work in ten minutes. Usually Tony dropped Bruce back late, unconcerned about something as mundane as the desk schedule. But Bruce said, "Yeah, okay," and quickly put away their leftovers.

Tony was uncharacteristically quiet in the car, and Bruce stared out the window. Things had gotten weird, but he didn't really understand why. Maybe it was his hair after all.

Tony had pulled in front of the library, in the "no parking" zone where he usually dropped Bruce off. Bruce leaned in for their customary goodbye kiss, but Tony ignored him. Bruce winced and said, "Okay. Yeah. Thanks for lunch."

Tony said, "We should both get back to work, I think."

Bruce went back inside, feeling miserable and mad. As soon as he sat down in his office, Darcy crashed through the door.

"Oh my God, Bruce, I'm so sorry, please don't be mad at me."

"Huh?"

"Seriously, I said I was sorry, and when you didn't reply to my messages…"

"Oh… I forgot my phone when I went to lunch. What are you sorry for?"

"Okay, look, I'm just… so sorry. You have to understand. How sorry I am."

"Okay, sure," Bruce agreed. "For what?"

"It's just, the guy was being so annoying, and I know I'm supposed to just ignore him or get my supervisor… but…"

"But what?" Bruce asked, with increasing dread that Darcy was fired. Or had murdered a patron.

"Well, he wouldn't leave me alone, so I kinda snapped at him?"

"Oh," Bruce said, relieved. "What did you say?"

"Okay. So, Bruce, you know me, right? … so… what I said was, 'Yeah, Bruce is _totally_ dating Tony just for the library donations, _obviously_.' But what they wrote was 'Bruce is totally dating Tony just for the library donations obviously'! _They didn't write the sarcasm,_ " Darcy said, in a panic.

"Oh my God, Darcy, seriously? Where? Who is _they_?"

"I texted you the link," Darcy said. "I'm really sorry. Like, for real."

"Dammit," Bruce muttered. He bent down and picked up his phone, which was overflowing with texts and voicemails from Darcy. He scrolled through the article, which was even worse than Darcy had led him to believe. "This is why Tony was being so weird," Bruce moaned.

"That's why I was _trying_ to get ahold of you, so you could, you know, tell him!" Darcy said. "Seriously, I'm sorry, Bruce."

"Yeah… yeah, thanks, Darcy, I know you didn't mean anything… and they shouldn't be bothering you at work! Or at all!"

 

"Right. Okay. Well, I should get back out there… but seriously, I'm so sorry, and… let me know if I can do anything to make it up to you."

"I'm sure it'll all work out," Bruce said, with more confidence than he felt.

Darcy slunk out of his office--he didn't think she'd bought it--and Bruce pulled up the article she'd mentioned. It was short and brutal.

* * *

**TMZ.com  
** Thursday, May 24, 11:45am  
Tony Stark's Librarian Boyfriend Reportedly "Just Using Him For Library Donations" 

Apparently, Tony Stark's hobo-looking boyfriend, Bruce Banner, has an ulterior motive for his celebrity hookup. According to a close friend and co-worker of Banner's, "Bruce is totally dating Tony just for the library donations obviously. Like, what other reason would he even have to hang out with Tony Stark? Duh."

Earlier this year, Tony Stark made headlines for pledging to donate $20 million to the Malibu Public Library, where Bruce Banner works as a reference librarian. Banner was unavailable for comment.

See Also:  
Tony Stark with Malibu Mystery Man, 5/5/12  
Tony Stark's Librarian Boyfriend Needs a Haircut 5/24/12

* * *

**Text message from Bruce Banner to Tony Stark, 5/24/12 1:05pm**  
Tony, I just saw the thing on TMZ, it's NOT TRUE

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Tony Stark, 5/24/12 1:05pm**  
Some jerk from TMZ bugged Darcy at work and she said that stuff sarcastically

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Tony Stark, 5/24/12 1:06pm**  
Please call me

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Tony Stark, 5/24/12 1:09pm**  
You have to know that stuff isn't true

* * *

**Text message from Bruce Banner to Pepper Potts, 5/24/12 1:30pm**  
Pepper, will you please tell Tony that that TMZ story is nonsense?

 **Text message from Pepper Potts to Bruce Banner, 5/24/12 1:31pm**  
I don't know what you're talking about, but literally everything on TMZ is nonsense so I'm sure he already knows

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Pepper Potts, 5/24/12 1:31pm**  
I know but I think he's mad at me and it's just a misunderstanding.

 **Text message from Pepper Potts to Bruce Banner, 5/24/12 1:32pm**  
I have a strict policy of not getting directly involved with Tony's romantic life

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Pepper Potts, 5/24/12 1:33pm**  
I understand. I'm sorry.

 **Text message from Pepper Potts to Bruce Banner, 5/24/12 1:34pm**  
But I like you, so I will make an exception.

 **Text message from Pepper Potts to Bruce Banner, 5/24/12 1:35pm**  
Also, you need to e-sign that restraining order I sent you.

* * *

**Text message from Natasha Romanov to Bruce Banner, 5/25/12 6:10pm**  
Coffee this weekend? We should catch up. You've been missing class.

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Natasha Romanov, 5/25/12 6:15pm**  
Sorry, I'm pretty busy

 **Text message from Natasha Romanov to Bruce Banner, 5/25/12 6:16pm**  
You're a liar. Coffee-a-Go-Go, 9am tomorrow

* * *

When Bruce got to Coffee-a-Go-Go at nine on the dot, Natasha was already sitting at a corner table with two mugs in front of her. She smiled widely at him, and when he sat down, she said, "Green tea," and slid a mug toward him.

"Good morning, sunshine. Did Tony drop you off? Did he have his assistant do it?"

Bruce rolled his eyes. "I don't know what you've heard, but it's not really…"

"You _haven't_ gone on a series of dates with America's most eligible bachelor?" Natasha asked, a single eyebrow raised.

"I mean… yeah, but..." Bruce said. Tony hadn't replied to any of his messages since their awkward lunch. "Look, um, I have been wanting to talk to you about the board, and the thing with Thor…"

"Nice segue."

"Seriously, though, please… the thing with Thor?"

"Oh Bruce, you know I'm not allowed to talk about official board business with library staff," Natasha said, in a faux-formal tone.

" _Nat._ "

"I suppose I could make an exception… in exchange for some gossip."

"Fine, here's some gossip… Thor's brother sold pictures of him for romance novel covers without his consent, and now I'm worried he might lose his job."

"That's a really intense prank," Natasha said, sounding impressed. 

"Yeah. But Thor's not getting fired, right?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Oh. He was just worried about the petition and all…"

"That petition wasn't even started by a resident of this county. Not even this country. Did you really think we were going to take it seriously?"

"A lot of people signed it."

Natasha waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. Thor's great at his job. We're keeping him as long as he'll stay. And c'mon, you and Thor should both know that Steve wouldn't stand for that shit."

"Oh. Well. Good."

"Yeah. Anyway, you owe me gossip now. So, you and Stark?"

"What did you read on TMZ?" Bruce asked, bitterly.

"Oh, I don't read TMZ, Bruce, please. I'm only interested in celebrity gossip when it directly impacts my friends. I just get intel from Darcy."

Bruce sighed. "When was the last time you talked to her?"

"A few days ago, I guess."

"Well, things have… happened since then," Bruce said.

"Oh no. Did you break up?"

"I'm not sure. There was just--Darcy made some joke to TMZ and they ran a headline saying I was only with Tony for library donations, and now he won't reply to any of my messages…"

"Ouch," Natasha said. "But for real, you're _not_ with him just for the donations, right?"

"No! And--even if I were, which, is disgusting--it didn't even work."

"What do you mean, it didn't work?"

Bruce shook his head. "I mean, I know he's already pledged to donate $20 million, but I had wanted him to change it, so it wasn't designated only for electronic materials…"

"He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what."

Natasha furrowed her eyebrows. "Maybe I shouldn't say."

" _Nat._ "

"Fine… last week, Tony told the board he wanted to change the conditions for his donation."

"What's he changing it to?"

"I think you can probably guess."

"He--it's not going to be e-books only?"

"I mean, I don't want to spoil the surprise. But if you _were_ just fucking Tony to save your print materials budget… well, you must be a pretty good lay."

"Hmph." Bruce sipped his tea, trying to process this information. Why hadn't Tony said anything? Bruce had continued to send Tony articles and thoughts that supported his argument. Tony must have been listening more than he let on. And now, maybe, it was all going to blow up in Bruce's face.

"Sorry." She peered at him. "Jeeze, Banner, he did a number on you, huh?"

"It's just so _stupid_ ," Bruce said, feeling a flash of anger that frightened him. He took a few deep breaths. "Why does anyone even read that website?"

Natasha shrugged. "To make themselves feel better about their own stupid lives?"

"I suppose," Bruce said. He took another sip of tea. He did not find it as soothing as he usually did.

"God, you really like him, huh?" Natasha asked.

"I… I don't know. Yeah, I guess," Bruce said, staring down into his tea.

"Bruce, we've been friends for how long? You can't lie to me. You're a terrible liar. You're obviously crazy about him. You're blushing."

"Okay, so what if I did like him? It's over now," Bruce said.

"Nuh uh. No way. It's not over til it's over. You said this happened, when, yesterday?"

"Two days ago, and he hasn't talked to me at all since then."

"That is… not a very long time, Bruce. Especially for a CEO of a huge company. He's probably been actually busy."

"Maybe," Bruce said. Natasha waited. She was good at that, and finally, Bruce said, "It's just… it's just been a really long time since I actually liked anybody, and… and we had a lot in common… and now it's all screwed up just because of some dumb website."

"Ah, Bruce," Natasha said, fondly. "Look, you know I love you--and I know how hard this is for you, I really do--but did you ever _tell_ Tony you like him?"

"Of course," Bruce said. "I… I mean…" 

"Right," Natasha said. "So, you know, if you're serious about Tony… which your non-poker face tells me you are… you should maybe, you know, tell him that."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Yeah, definitely."

"It's just… he can't possibly be serious about me. He's… he's Tony Stark."

"And you're… Bruce Banner."

"You know what I mean, Nat. He dates models."

"He has dated models, and now he's ready for a relationship based on intellect." Natasha paused. "Not that there aren't perfectly intelligent models out there, but I don't think those are the ones Stark was going for."

"See? You totally read TMZ."

"No… but I have been known to skim a _People_ on long flights," Natasha said airily. "Anyway, Bruce… don't undersell yourself. You're a great guy and Tony Stark would be lucky to have you. And _don't_ cut your hair."

"Nat!"

"Darcy told me about that one," Natasha said with a smirk. "But seriously, don't." Bruce couldn't help but self-consciously touch his hair, and Nat's smile widened. She glanced at her phone. "Okay, Bruce, good talk. I've got a class this morning, so I should get moving. And _you_ should come back to the studio soon."

"I know, I know," Bruce said. "I've been doing DVDs at home, it's just been hectic."

"The more hectic life is, the more you can benefit from yoga," Natasha said, though to her credit, she said nothing about Tony Stark. "Listen--don't worry about the library budget, or Thor. Just worry about getting your man back."

"Getting my man back? What am I, Gidget?"

"Oh, honey. Gidget had way more game than you," Natasha said, still smirking. "Just tell him you liiike him. He liiikes you."

"I hate you," Bruce muttered.

"False!" Natasha said cheerfully. She left a tip on the table, swung her gym bag over her shoulder, and headed off to her yoga studio. Bruce lingered for a moment, staring at his phone and wondering if she was right. She usually was.

* * *

**Bruce Banner's bullet journal, Saturday, June 2nd**

Meetings:  
[X] Thor, 5am

Events:  
[] Work, 12-6pm  
[] Summer Reading Club Kick-Off Party, 1-3pm

Projects:  
[/] Summer e-book order

Shopping list:  
[] Kale  
[] Almond milk  
[] Ice cream  
[] Dog food

* * *

"Jane, do you have everything you need for the SRC party?" Bruce asked. 

"Just about. I need to set up the dry ice, but I want to wait until just before it starts," Jane said, her eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Well, I can cover the desk. You go ahead and do whatever you need to do."

"Thanks, Bruce! Ooh, I'm so glad the SRC theme is science this year. The theme should be science every year!" 

"Be sure to pass that on to Thor," Bruce said, although he knew the summer reading theme was chosen at a statewide level. This summer they'd chosen "Fizz, Boom, Read!" which Bruce hoped kids wouldn't take too literally, for the sake of their materials.

"Oh, trust me, he knows my thoughts on the matter," Jane said. She logged out of her email and said, "I'll see you later this afternoon. Thanks for holding down the fort in here!"

"No problem," said Bruce, who would much rather face a long line of adult patrons than have to explain basic science to a crowd of kids. He hated crowds. The SRC kick-off parties were usually only staffed by the children's department, but this year's party offered door prizes, carnival games, and science demonstrations, and Jane was delighted to be charged with the latter.

Bruce logged in to the computer and caught up on his emails. Nothing from Tony. In the week since Darcy's dumb quote, Bruce had sent a number of texts and voicemails, and gotten no reply. Pepper had claimed that she didn't know where Tony was, which was such an obvious lie that it made Bruce want to throw up.

He glanced around. The adult area of the library was quiet--most patrons were outside on the lawn for the summer reading kick-off. Or avoiding the library because they knew the general area would be full of noisy kids.

Bruce opened up his personal email and started typing.

* * *

**Date:** Saturday, June 2, 2012 1:30pm  
**To:** tony@stark.com  
**From:** greenbruce@gmail.com  
**Subject** : (no subject)

Tony,

I didn't really want to do this by email but I guess it's my only option. Darcy and I are both sorry about that story, but you have to know it's not true. It doesn't even make sense. Honestly, I know you're smart enough to know that I wouldn't just date you for library donations, so I guess you've probably just moved on. But I just wanted to say that I really, really like you. It's been pointed out to me that maybe I'm not always clear about things like that. I'm better at feelings than I used to be, but it's still hard for me to be vulnerable to anyone. I think maybe you can relate.

Anyway. I hope we can work through whatever happened here, because, like I said: I really, really like you.

\- Bruce

* * *

Bruce answered the phone, "Malibu Public Library, this is Bruce, how can I help you?"

"Oh my God, Bruce, you have to get out here, it's crazy!" Jane said.

"What do you mean? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, but seriously, it's… please just come out here."

"Should I call the police?"

"I already did."

"Did you call Steve?"

"Yes, and he's on his way. Please!"

"Okay, okay…" Bruce hung up and ran outside to the library's back lawn. He wasn't supposed to leave the desk unattended, but it sounded like an emergency. "Oh my God," he muttered. 

Thor was perched in the dunk tank, surrounded by a crowd with posters like _Clean Up Our Library!_ and _Think Of The Children!_ A crowd of photographers surrounded the protesters.

Jane and Darcy were standing behind Jane's science demonstration table. Darcy was filming everything with her phone, and Jane was texting frantically. 

Bruce walked up to the group of protesters and said, "Look, I need to ask all of you to leave."

"We have a first amendment right to assemble," a sharply handsome man with dark, slicked back hair and a faint accent said.

"Do you have a permit?" Bruce asked, hating the irony that he had become the person who would shut down a protest, instead of joining it. But then, he would never participate in such a stupid protest.

"Why, yes, I do," the man said. He pulled something out of his pocket and handed it over.

Bruce scrutinized it. The responsible party's name was Loki Laufeyson. Thor's brother was named Loki, Bruce remembered. The guy looked nothing like Thor, but how many Lokis were running around southern California? He asked, "You're Mr. Laufeyson?"

"Indeed I am."

"Well, then, you won't mind if I call down to the police to just verify some details?" Bruce asked. He'd seen a protest permit or two in his day, and this one looked shady. Plus, he just didn't believe that the chief of police would have approved a protest at the library, on one of their biggest days of the year.

"I already called the police," Jane said. "Darcy, seriously, put your taser away."

"I know," Bruce said. "But I have some connections." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and took a step back from the crowd. 

Before he could dial, one of the reporters said, "Look, it's Tony Stark's boyfriend!"

"Oh my God," Bruce snapped. "I am not news!"

"Bruce, can you confirm that Tony Stark is in rehab?" asked one of them.

"What?"

"Did Tony not tell you he was going to rehab?" asked another.

"How do you feel about the fact that Tony Stark's reckless philanthropy has led to him being removed as CEO from his own company?"

The reporters and photographers had all moved away from Thor's dunk tank and were now surrounding Bruce. 

"I--I have no comment," Bruce said. His head was spinning. Was any of that stuff true? He knew it was a common technique for this kind of sleazy reporter--to just blindly ask about rumors or even total lies and hope to get some interesting gossip that way. He took a step back, and the crowd of paparazzi followed him. Behind them, he could see police officers talking to the protesters. He tried to navigate around the paparazzi to talk to the police, but they were persistent.

"Bruce, don't you think a weapons manufacturer like Tony Stark deserved what happened to him in Afghanistan?" a reporter asked.

"You--you don't know anything about Tony Stark," Bruce said. He looked at the stupid smug guy. He'd definitely seen him around before. Bruce thought about all the trouble these people had caused, and then his vision went white, and his hand hurt. He blinked and realized with growing horror that he'd punched the reporter in the face. He didn't exactly remember it, but… that must have been what happened. Cameras flashed all around him, and he turned to run inside the library. He ran into a person first.

"It's wrong if I say that was kind of hot, right?" Tony asked.

"Tony! What are you--I--fuck," Bruce said, still feeling dazed.

"Everyone needs to back away," Happy said, placing himself between the crowd and Tony with his arms spread. "You two--get to the car."

"No, I--I think I'm probably arrested?" Bruce said.

Tony laughed. "No way. That was self-defense. And that guy was violating your restraining order. I have really good lawyers. We'll get it taken care of. Come on."

"Okay," Bruce said, allowing himself to be guided past the crowd, to the parking lot, to the back of Tony's car. The windows were darkly tinted, so he couldn't see what was happening outside, but he definitely heard the crowd. "Tony, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I checked my email," Tony said, with a crooked smile. "And it reminded me that this guy I really, really like works at the library, so…"

"But… all week…"

"Ugh, yeah, I'm sorry," Tony said. "There was this thing at work… it was awful and basically I had to work 24/7 all week to solve it."

"Oh," Bruce said. "You could have told me that sooner?"

Tony exhaled. Now that Bruce had a moment to really look at him, he realized Tony looked exhausted, with huge dark circles under his eyes and a jittery, over-caffeinated vibe. More so than usual. "You didn't read about it in the news?" Tony asked.

Bruce shook his head. "I--I was kind of avoiding the news this week."

Tony nodded. "Fair enough. Well, you wouldn't have read anything good about Stark Industries. Uh. Look, it--I can see how you thought it was that dumb TMZ story, but it--well, in short, there was a leak in the company, from someone who was clearly in my inner circle, and I didn't know who I could trust. I didn't even know if I could trust Pepper, for a second there. It was--it was really bad."

"Oh. But it's fixed now?"

"Yeah, it was--it turned out--it was Obie… Obadiah Stane. I guess you never met him, but he--he'd worked for the company for forever, and I--" Tony let out a long breath. "It's really fucked up. What he did."

"God, Tony, I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Thanks," Tony said. "You wanna get out of here?"

"Well. I really do, but I should probably talk to the police? And my boss?"

"You're so responsible."

"Yeah. Oh, hang on, my phone…" Bruce said, grateful he'd remembered to put it in his pocket. "Oh, it's Steve... Let me get this. Hello?"

"Bruce, are you okay? Where are you?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm in Tony's car... I'm just… I'm really sorry, Steve."

Steve snorted. "It sounded like that guy had it coming. I hate bullies. Unofficially speaking. Officially speaking, it does seem that he was in violation of a restraining order?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Well, the police need you to give a statement, but I don't believe you're in any trouble."

"Oh. Good? Uh, what about the protesters?"

"Ah. Their permit to protest was a forgery and they've disbanded. Their leader--Thor's brother--is being taken down to the police station on charges of disturbing the peace."

"Oh. Is everyone else okay? Jane, Darcy, everyone?"

"Oh yes. Darcy tased Thor's brother. She was pretty satisfied with herself."

Bruce laughed. "I bet she was."

"Anyway, Bruce, everything will be fine, okay? Why don't you just wait it out for another half hour or so, until the crowd here dies down, and then just go in to the police station and give your statement. Jane and I will cover the rest of your shift. And don't hesitate to call me if you have any problems."

"Okay, thanks, Steve. I really appreciate it."

"Of course, Bruce. Take care. And put some ice on your hand."

Bruce hung up and looked at his hands. They were both shaking, and the right one was red and swollen. 

"Well?" Tony asked. "If you're fired, Stark Industries is hiring."

"No, I'm not fired. I'm supposed to wait until things die down here, and then go make a statement at the police station. And put ice on my hand."

"Hmm," Tony said, leaning over. "Sounds like a plan." He pulled out his phone and typed a few texts. A moment later, Happy came back to the car with an ice pack, which he handed to Bruce.

"Thanks," Bruce said, wincing as he applied it to his hand.

"Should we go home?" Happy asked, sliding into the driver's seat.

"Slight detour," Tony said. " _Somebody_ has to go make a statement to the police."

"It's the price I pay for defending your honor," Bruce said.

"I seriously want to make out with you so bad right now," Tony said.

"Let me roll up the partition, please," Happy said. He did so, and Tony wasted no time in taking advantage of their privacy.

* * *

**Los Angeles Times  
** Sunday, June 3, 2012  
Phony Protesters Disrupt Malibu Public Library Summer Reading Event 

MALIBU--The Malibu Public Library kicked off its annual summer reading club with a fun, science-themed carnival yesterday afternoon. The event was disrupted by a few dozen protesters, calling for the dismissal of the library's manager of children's services, Thor Odinson, for his inappropriate conduct. Mr. Odinson had appeared on the cover of several Harlequin romance novels. However, police report that the protesters had a forged permit to protest. Furthermore, their leader, one Loki Laufeyson, appears to have entered the country under an invalid visa. He is being detained and may be deported. The other protesters revealed that Laufeyson had paid them for their time, and they left the library without a struggle.

Library director Steve Rogers reported that the summer reading club will continue as scheduled, and that he was "proud of his hard-working staff."

* * *

"That's weird," Bruce said.

"What's weird?" Tony asked. He was curled up against Bruce on the couch, playing a game on his phone.

"This," Bruce said, tapping the story in the _L.A. Times_. "They wrote about the protests at the library, but nothing about, you know, me punching a paparazzi."

"Good, that's what I pay my publicist for," Tony said.

"Is that ethical?" Bruce wondered. 

Tony snorted. "You think the paparazzi care about ethical? Don't look, by the way, some of the trashier publications will probably still have the story. But it'll all blow over soon. It's not like _I_ punched someone."

"I mean, you know, free speech, and all?" 

"They _can_ write about it. They just _chose_ not to, in exchange for an interview with me about my latest technical breakthrough," Tony explained.

"Oh. Well, thanks, I guess?"

"Least I could do," Tony said. "Besides, it's not like I'm covering up Watergate or anything. It's not anyone's business if you snapped at a jerky photographer who totally had it coming."

"Fair point, I guess," Bruce said. He flipped past the rest of the news stories, to the crossword puzzle. "Do you have a pencil?"

"No, but I have a crossword puzzle app."

"It's not the same," Bruce protested. "I'll be right back. Let me just get a pencil."

Tony sighed melodramatically. "If you must. There should be some… in the workshop, maybe? Wait, will you get me coffee? Since you're getting up anyway?"

"Sure," Bruce said. He extricated himself from the couch, taking Tony's thermos with him. He went to the kitchen first, hoping there might be a pencil in a stray drawer. Unfortunately, Tony's little-used kitchen was too high tech for anything as lowly as a pencil. He refilled the thermos and went down to the workshop. He poked around, knowing that Tony sometimes resorted to pencil and paper sketches when he was working out ideas. He found all manner of electrical components and scary-looking implements, but nothing that he could actually write on paper with. Exasperated, he went back upstairs and brought Tony his coffee.

"Coffeee," Tony said, gratefully.

"Tony, I couldn't find a pencil anywhere. Don't you ever _write_?"

"I _type_ and _dictate_ things all the time," Tony said. 

Bruce crossed his arms. Tony sighed and said, "Uh, check Pepper's room. She's off this weekend, and sometimes she, you know, writes things." Bruce looked skeptically at Tony, and Tony added, "No, don't worry, she won't mind. I'm sure if she has any secrets, she knows enough to keep them at her actual house. Or… you could just stay here with me, and do a crossword app. Or other things..."

"I'll just take a quick peek," Bruce said. He went down the hall. He knew Pepper had a suite at Tony's house, as well as her own home away from Tony's madness, but he'd never ventured into her space before. He opened the door and froze. "Oh! Oh God, I'm sorry, I… Tony told me you were gone this weekend… I'll just…" he trailed off, backed out of the room, and shut the door behind him.

"Wait," Pepper said. She'd followed him out, barefoot and wearing a robe. "Bruce, please… don't tell Tony. Not yet. It's not… I don't want him to make a thing out of this? It's not… well, you know how Tony can be."

"I will say nothing," Bruce promised. "I'm so sorry, I never would have--Tony told me you were gone."

"I should be gone," Pepper said with a sigh. "And I should have locked the door. It's just--it's just been _such_ a long week..."

"Yeah. Well… good for you," Bruce said. "I, uh, I hope it works out."

"Thanks," Pepper replied. She smiled at Bruce. "You, too. Oh, wait--what were you looking for?"

"Oh, no, nothing, don't…" he stopped, under Pepper's glare, and said, "Just, a pencil? Or a pen?"

"Oh, yeah, Tony never has that stuff," Pepper said. "One second." She went back into her room and reemerged a minute later. She handed him a pencil and a pen. "Enjoy. Oh, and Natasha says hi."

"Thanks, Pepper. Uh… tell her I said hi, back."

"Will do. Now get out, before Tony comes looking for you."

Bruce did so.

"What took you so long?" Tony asked. "Were you snooping in her underwear drawer?"

"Tony! No!"

"Okay, okay, just checking."

Bruce rolled his eyes and settled in with his crossword puzzle, which was difficult, both because it was Sunday and because Tony kept trying to help. Eventually, he gave up. "I should get going, I have to--"

"Walk your dog, right," Tony said. "You know, if you had a robot dog, it would walk itself."

"If I had a robot dog… it would defeat the purpose of having a dog?" 

"What is the purpose of having a dog?"

"Companionship? Love? Cuteness?"

"Mmm, those all sound like things you could get from a robot dog," Tony said. "Well, a robot dog and the genius boyfriend who built the robot dog."

"Did you actually build a robot dog?"

"Not yet, but now that my mojo is going I don't think it'll take me long."

"Okay, well… why don't you work on that, while I go take care of my actual, living dog?"

"Fine," Tony said, giving Bruce a coffee-flavored kiss. "I'll just be here, all alone."

"Or you could come with?"

"But then I'd have to put on _shoes_!"

"Your life really is very difficult," Bruce said.

"Thank you for understanding," Tony said, melodramatically flopping over the part of the couch Bruce had recently vacated.

"Bye, Tony," Bruce said, affectionately shaking his head and trying to keep his heart from skipping too much at Tony's casual use of the word "love."

* * *

**PRESS RELEASE  
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

[image]

Stark Industries Donates $20 Million to Malibu Public Library

MALIBU, CA. June 23, 2012

Stark Industries donated $20 million to the Malibu Public Library at a fundraiser gala on Saturday, June 23. CEO Tony Stark said, "We're happy to help a public institution that does so much good work for our community." 

In addition to the monetary donation, Stark Industries is also upgrading the library's computer lab, donating a set of StarkReader tablets to be used for instruction, funding paid lab monitor jobs, and sponsoring intensive computer classes that will feed into a paid internship program.

Library director Steve Rogers said, "We're extremely grateful for this donation. The library's mission of supporting all kinds of literacy is more important than ever as we move further into the 21st century, and this donation will certainly help us work towards that mission."

For more information, contact: Pepper Potts, Stark Industries.

* * *

"I didn't know this library donation was going to require me to wear a tux," Bruce said, frowning at himself in the mirror.

Tony nudged his way into the mirror space and smiled. "I'm going to have to donate to causes you like more often. I mean, not that I don't like your normal attire, but it is nice to see you wearing pants that fit."

"They fit because you made me see your tailor."

"Your life is very hard," Tony said. 

Bruce sighed. "You're right, I'm being ridiculous… I just hate this kind of thing."

"It'll be fun! You'll look nice, pose for a few pictures, have some fancy snacks, and get to dance with your truly delightful boyfriend." Tony reached over and adjusted Bruce's bow tie.

"You're right," Bruce said.

"And only photographers on the approved list will be in attendance," Tony said. "So leave your boxing gloves here."

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"Nope!" Tony said cheerfully.

"Alright," Bruce said. Truthfully, he liked that Tony joked about it, instead of tiptoeing around Bruce, like Bruce had learned to tiptoe around his father's rages. "I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"That's the spirit!"

They went downstairs, where Pepper was pacing the living room in a beautiful cocktail dress.

"Nice dress," Tony said.

"Thanks, you bought it for my birthday this year."

"I _do_ have excellent taste," Tony said. "Has Happy pulled the car around?"

"Yeah," Pepper said, "He's out front." 

"Okay, let's go. You coming?" Tony asked.

"Ah, no, I'm going to wait here for a bit. My date is running late."

"Your date?" Tony asked. "Can I meet her?"

"No, go away," Pepper said. 

Tony pouted, and Pepper said, "You'll meet her at the party!"

"Fine," Tony said. "But I'll remember this the next time I send you to buy birthday gifts for yourself!"

"Of course you will," Pepper said, with a practiced eyeroll.

Reluctantly, Tony went out to the car, trailed by Bruce. It was a short drive to the library, which had been transformed into a glamorous space with soft lighting and waiters with fancy, locally-sourced hors d'oeuvres. Bruce marveled at the fancy people mingling among the bookshelves, and forced himself not to shelf-read. He _knew_ the party-goers were pulling books off the shelf and not putting them back in their proper spot, but he was not working tonight.

Neither was Darcy, who bounded up to Bruce. "Oh my God, this is so awesome," she said. "Please tell me someone else is cleaning this up, though."

Tony laughed. "The party planner and caterers will have everything back to normal before you open tomorrow, don't worry."

"Yay!" Darcy said.

"Hi, I'm Bruce," Bruce said to Darcy's date.

"Oh, um, hi, I'm Ian," he said. "Nice to meet you."

"Don't worry, he won't hit you," Darcy stage-whispered. Bruce glared at her.

"I'm Tony Stark, but you probably already knew that."

"Yeah," Ian admitted.

"How'd you meet Darcy?" Bruce asked.

"Oh, um, I'm a high school science teacher… I'd volunteered to help out at the summer reading kick-off thing, and… well, you know," Ian said.

"I saved him from Thor's crazy brother," Darcy said. "With my taser. It was awesome. I didn't tell you about that?"

"I was kind of busy," Bruce said.

"Right, right. Well… yeah, so, that happened! And this is Ian! We're going to go eat as many fancy snacks as we can, bye!" Darcy said.

"Bye," Bruce said.

"Oh and Bruce, I'm glad you got pants that fit!" Darcy called loudly as she walked away.

"See? They look good," Tony said. They danced to a few songs and posed for a few photos. 

Then, Tony stood at the podium, cleared his throat, and said, "I know there are some people out there who think that the only reason my company donates money to charity is for good PR--and hey, if you journalists out there want to give me some good PR, I'll definitely take it. I think I'm owed some. But really, I'm proud to be able to donate money to important causes like the public library because I know I have more than I need, and I want to be able to share with those who have less. I can think of few better ways to do that than by supporting the library. I'm so impressed by everything the staff here at Malibu Public Library do to support our community, from the loud tiny children all the way up to older people who need help getting on Facebook to spy on their grandchildren. And so, here is a big cardboard check to say, thanks for what you guys do, and keep doing it. But with better toys."

Steve accepted the check and shook Tony's hand. Cameras flashed, Steve leaned into the microphone to quickly thank Tony, and everyone went back to the party. 

"Nice speech," Bruce said.

"Thanks," Tony said. "Pepper wrote me something fancier but I decided to just make it up as I went along."

"That strategy seems to work out pretty well for you," Bruce said.

Pepper and Natasha, arm in arm, approached them. "Tony, what did you do with my speech?" Pepper asked.

"Sorry, Pepper, I'll save it for the next one of these things."

"I liked it," Natasha said. "Much less bullshit than you normally hear at this stuff."

"Aha, see, Pepper?"

Pepper punched Natasha in the arm, lightly. "Don't encourage him," she scolded.

"So you're Pepper's mysterious new girlfriend, huh?" Tony asked. "I know you from somewhere… don't tell me."

"I'm on the library board," Natasha said.

"I said not to tell me!"

"We met at the board meeting when we first proposed SI's donation to the library," Pepper said. "And then Bruce suggested I check out the yoga studio he goes to… since _someone_ makes my life so stressful... and Natasha happens to be the owner of it."

"You're dating a _yoga instructor_?" Tony asked, his eyes wide.

"I also know jiu jitsu, and if you say any of the things you're thinking about saying, you will regret it," Natasha said, smiling widely.

"Right. Got it," Tony said. "Well, um, good for you. Can I say that?"

"I'll allow it," Natasha said.

"Wait, why are you on the library board?" Tony asked.

"I'm a concerned community business owner," Natasha said. "And Bruce told me I should run for it."

"Bruce has some good ideas," Tony said. "Once in a while."

"Speaking of which, I'm going to get a drink… anyone else want one?" Bruce said.

"Yes. Me. Another great idea," Tony said. Pepper and Nat declined, and Bruce went off to the bar that had been set up over the circulation desk. Thor and Jane were waiting in front of him. 

"Hey Jane, I like your dress," Bruce said. It was printed with images of the galaxy.

"Thank you! I commissioned it on Etsy. Most of the galaxy print stuff you see is astronomically inaccurate. But not this! It's from actual Hubble images," Jane said, twirling around to show it off.

"Very nice," Bruce said.

"Tony gave a nice speech," Thor said. "Did you know we are getting iPads with literacy games for the children's area?"

"That's great," Bruce said.

"I still have concerns about the effects of too much screen time on children. But they will enjoy them," Thor said.

"Everything in moderation," Jane said. "I mean, I grew up watching like ten hours of PBS a day and I turned out fine. Right?"

"Yes, Jane," Thor said. "You turned out more than fine." He bent down to kiss her. 

Bruce made eye contact with the bartender and cut ahead of Jane and Thor in line. Their PDA had been known to cause them to lose track of time. He got a glass of wine for Tony and a ginger ale for himself and went back over to Tony, who was now standing by himself, looking at his phone and smiling.

"Yay," Tony said, taking the drink. "Hey, look at the feed from my robot dog," he said, passing the phone over to Bruce.

"Wait, you… built the robot dog?"

"Yeah, his name is Rover. I had Happy drop him off at your place to hang out with your dog. See, they're friends!"

Bruce watched the video stream. Sundara was curled up asleep on the couch. The robot dog was apparently just watching. "Aww," he said. "This is so… cute. And a little creepy?"

"What's creepy about a robot dog with a live video feed?"

"Really?" Bruce asked. "You said it out loud and don't hear anything a little creepy about that?"

"Nope," Tony declared. 

Bruce shrugged. "Well, thank you, I guess. For… spying on my dog. And for everything."

"Hey, I'm just doing it for the PR."

"Mm-hmm," Bruce said. 

"Seriously," Tony said. He downed his drink and put the glass on top of a bookshelf, then put his arms around Bruce's neck. "Building a robot dog for my cute boyfriend tested very favorably with focus groups."

"Did it, now?" Bruce murmured.

"Yup. You know what else focus groups love?"

"Flying cars?"

Tony's eyes brightened. "Yes, actually, but not what I was going to say. I was going to say, they love it when I ditch these galas early."

"Do you have to feed your robot dog?"

"No, he's solar powered. The thing is, I just really want to make out with you?"

"I should probably… stay a little longer," Bruce said, as Tony burrowed his fingers in Bruce's hair. "But… maybe we could step into my office for a minute."

* * *

**Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:15pm**  
OMG BRUCE

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:16pm**  
BRUUUUUCE

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:17pm**  
YR TIE IS FUCKED UP AND YR HAIR LOOKS EVEN MORE HOBOISH THAN USUAL

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:18pm**  
WHAT DID U DO AND WHERE DID U DO IT

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:19pm**  
STOP IGNORING ME

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:20pm**  
WAS IT IN THE BATHROOM

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:20pm**  
WAS IT ON THE CHECKOUT DESK

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Darcy Lewis, 6/23/12 9:20pm**  
I just had to step into my office for an important meeting.

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:21pm**  
OMG I'm so proud of u. Get it, Bruce.

 **Text message from Bruce Banner to Darcy Lewis, 6/23/12 9:22pm**  
You're weird, Darcy.

 **Text message from Darcy Lewis to Bruce Banner, 6/23/12 9:22pm**  
:-*

* * *

**Malibu Public Library eCommons Unveiling  
** Saturday, October 13, 2012  
1-5pm 

[image]

Drop by the library this afternoon for the official unveiling of the new E-Commons! Try out the 3D printer, enter a door prize drawing for a new StarkTablet, and sign up for a spot to get one-on-one help with your devices from Tony Stark!

* * *

November in Malibu meant the weather had dropped all the way down to the 60s, with a light drizzle. It was nothing compared to New York's weather, but it was still pleasant to be indoors. Bruce and Tony were settled in on the couch with coffee and the makings of a cozy, lazy Sunday morning. 

Tony, curled up with his e-reader, howled with laughter. Next to him, Bruce looked up from his crossword puzzle and said, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Tony said. Bruce craned his head to look at Tony's tablet, but Tony clutched it tightly to his chest.

"Seriously?"

"I thought you respected patron privacy."

"I respect _patron_ privacy but I have to say that I think our relationship has gone a little bit beyond librarian and patron," Bruce said drily.

"Still," Tony said. "Privacy."

Bruce shrugged. "Fine," he said, "I'm glad you're amused." He knew Tony wouldn't be able to keep his entertainment secret for long. Tony was like a child in that way--if he was excited about something, he would stick it in your face until you paid attention to it. 

Bruce finished his Sunday puzzle in record time, since Tony was too occupied with whatever he was reading to bug him. Bruce had been pleased, but had now grown suspicious.

"Tony, I'm going to go make lunch."

Tony made a noncommittal noise. 

"I was thinking about tofu scramble, or maybe some quinoa?" Bruce said. Tony didn't respond, which meant he wasn't listening to Bruce at _all_. But Bruce would respect Tony's privacy. And he would take advantage of the opportunity to make a tofu scramble. Sundara and Rover both followed him to the kitchen. Sundara was always hoping for scraps; Rover didn't eat food, but he liked to follow Sundara. Tony was hoping to update Rover's programming so that he could take Sundara for walks, but Bruce didn't quite trust that technology yet. Also ,Tony didn't seem to understand that Bruce actually enjoyed walking his dog. Still, Rover was a pretty adorable little robot.

Bruce had gotten used to Tony's fancy kitchen, which, now that he knew where to find everything, really was much more efficient than his normal kitchen. Bruce made his scramble and brought two plates out to the living room. He placed one in front of Tony, who ignored it. Bruce ate his lunch, cleaned up, and went back to the living room. 

He'd seen Tony zone out like this before, but it was usually when he was working on a new design, not when he was just passively reading something. Tony had laughed aloud a few more times, and made some other sounds, but he'd basically just been completely absorbed in his tablet.

He gently shook Tony. "Tony, c'mon, aren't you hungry? It's like three."

"Just let me finish this."

"What _is_ it, though?"

"Nothing!"

"It's obviously something, Tony."

Tony sighed. "Fine. So, you know how I've been helping people with their tablets and stuff at the library? Because I'm a concerned citizen?"

"Yeah…" Bruce said. Tony had, in fact, been remarkably consistent about keeping his volunteer schedule at the library since he'd started it the previous month, largely due to Pepper's efforts. Bruce also thought Tony enjoyed the attention, although Tony definitely did not have the patience for most of the questions he was asked. Whenever possible, Bruce scheduled Darcy to keep an eye on Tony in the E-Commons.

"Well, so, I've helped a lot of people download some… popular books… so I thought I should give them a try. You know me, I'm a real man of the people."

Bruce stared at Tony for a second before asking, " _Which_ popular books?"

"Oh, you know," Tony said vaguely.

"Are you reading _Fifty Shades of Grey_?" Bruce asked.

"No! No way," Tony said. Bruce continued staring, and Tony said, "... I finished that one this morning. I'm on the third one. Don't laugh!"

"I'm not laughing," Bruce said. "I… I'm not," he said. Then he covered his face with his elbow and laughed.

"Subtle, Banner," Tony said.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Bruce said. 

"They're so dumb," Tony moaned. "But I just want to know what happens!"

"Well, I'm glad you found some engaging fiction," Bruce said. "Really." Tony rarely read fiction for pleasure. He mostly read science and engineering journals, and those were usually less for pleasure and more for gloating.

"You should read them too. So we can talk about it."

"Um, I don't--"

"Like a book club!" Tony said. "Plus, there's some stuff I want to try."

"Someone once told me there's a lot of pornography available on the internet," Bruce said.

Tony pursed his lips and said, "Someone once told _me_ that reading widely is the key to successful readers advisory."

"You're using library terminology against me," Bruce said, impressed that Tony had remembered. "That's not fair!"

"What's not _fair_ is what a dick Christian is being to Ana right now," Tony said.

"You don't like the weird, possessive, billionaire character?" Bruce asked, eyebrows raised.

"Hey! I am nothing like Christian Grey," Tony shrieked. "Except we're both awesome in bed. And rich. And handsome."

"Oh boy," Bruce said.

Tony tapped at his tablet. "I'm sending copies over to your account… they should show up on your tablet now. Go get it," Tony said.

"Are you… _ordering_ me to read _Fifty Shades of Grey_?"

"No, because you haven't signed any weird sex paperwork for me," Tony said. "Yet. I am just _asking_ you to please read these books. C'mon, please? You're a fast reader, it'll take you like two seconds. And Mrs. Davidson will be so happy to talk to you about them."

"I will read them under the condition that you _never_ tell Mrs. Davidson I read them," Bruce said. 

"She's a very nice lady!" Tony said.

"She's very nice, and very chatty, and this is absolutely not what I ever want to talk to her about."

"Fine," Tony said. "I accept your terms. Now go get your tablet!"

" _Fine_ ," Bruce said. He retrieved the tablet and downloaded the files that were waiting in his account. He had to admit that he was happy to have the digital editions, so no one would ever have to see him reading these books, which were truly terrible from the first sentence. Still, Bruce knew there were definitely worse ways to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon than curled up on the couch with his boyfriend, his dog, his robot dog, and some of the summer's most popular literature.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, fellow librarians/nerds who might be wanting to fact-check me! So, things have changed some regarding e-books and libraries, especially after the Random House/Penguin merger! Also, _Fifty Shades_ isn't _quite_ as popular now as it was in 2012, at least in my library. So I just wanted to acknowledge that I know! That's why this fic is set in 2012 instead of 2015! 
> 
> In terms of library budget stuff: I know that legally, libraries are currently required to spend a certain percentage of their budget on materials, so the specific budget crisis I manufactured for this fic is not exactly plausible, and it's much more likely the library would be facing staff layoffs or reduced hours. _Shhhh._
> 
> If you are not a librarian but _are_ a whimsical rich person, please donate some money to your local library! 
> 
> If you did not already look at [Amy's amazing arts for this](http://allofthefeelings.tumblr.com/post/124498882105/for-the-wip-big-bang-i-was-tasked-with), WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?
> 
> Also, I realized that parts of this fic were unconsciously inspired by the novel _The Royal We_ by Heather Cocks  & Jessica Morgan, which I would definitely recommend if you're looking for another story of love in the face of paparazzi.
> 
> Thanks for reading, nerds! ♥


End file.
